For my daughter

I have no captions for my photo post or words of wisdom...
this evening. I have honestly have alot on my mind. In all sincerity ~ it is becoming quit an emotional one. The onset of additional pain in my back, pelvis, and groin; are becoming an acute awarenss of the "surrealism" which superceeds.
I know, that many people live well beyond their expected years, due to cancer treatments. If it weren't for this thought... I honestly wouldn't be taking the chance with all these toxic treatments.
I'm starting to wonder, if God meant for us to have the choice, to manipulate our lives in such a manner. I am aware, that without a doubt, had it not been for modern medical advancements, I wouldn't be here today... wrighting to you... and audience ~ which has shown such great compassion.
I just finished reading Dr. Randy Pausch's book: The Last Lecture ~ and to be bluntly honest, I believe that the last two chapters held more value and significance to me, than any other; than any other message that may have been given directly or indirectly, intentionally or not.
Final Remarks can be powerful. So, let me start by borrowing some quotes: "to that end, I want my kids to know that my memories of them fill my head" ~ as my daughter is fully aware of the nature of my condition ~ it must be rough and difficult ~ especially in the teenage years. I am well aware, that our culture is very different from that of many. We do not live impoverished or malnuourished. However, I do believe that one universal is: the love of family. I can only hope, that well beyond and into the future years, Jennifer will grow to know, that even though... she is having difficulty now, dealing with all these emotions and feelings... that she was always and will forever be loved. It can't be put any better or simplier than as stated by Randy Pausch: "I want them to know that I will love them for as lonfg as they live. I will."
The memories that I will cheerish the most will most definately be the times when we took trips in the car ~ changing radio stations, until we both agreed upon a tune. Often, because I was a "victim" of the eighties, I would empose these upon her, and, in return, she would impose the latest music upon me.
I simply loved listening to hear sing along with the radio. She was radiant. She sang and recited each and every tune with a gracefullness, which daunts me, to this day.
While we were on vacation, I took her to a karaoke tiki bar ~ she finally had the opportunity to grace me with a song entitled: Unwanted, by Natashia Beidingfield. It was appropriate for her, at that particular moment in time. Teenager find meaning ~ and reflection in the words of songs... much like poets, whose passion fills the page with prose.
That evening... while she was on stage... the air was warm, the breeze was light, the moom was bright, the ocean was soft, and, my daughter, was the shinning star.
She will always be my star. I hope that she continue to sing... and enlighten many... in the years to come... wether it be on short trips to the mall with friends or long trips with family on vacation, to perhaps even.. greater events in future with husband and children.
Now, I am, by no means... giving up on life... but, I have been reading alot of articles that are meant as a means for cancer patients to help themselves express themselves... while they still can.
I have already promised my daughter, that I plan on fighting this... so that I may be around for her, for a very long time. It is very difficult for me, to think, much like Dr. Pausch said that when she is older, I might not be around. "But a bigger part of me grieves for them." That I might not be here to be a bigger part of her life in the future.
Nobody knows for certain what tommorrow may bring, for any of us. So, it is with today ~ the present moment ~ the here and now ~ that I say: I will forever Love You. You will always be wanted, needed, and loved, by me.