Peace and Love

I know that many of you are still quit busy from the Christmas Season and in preperation for the New Year; however, I wanted to continue with my posts to keep you informed of my progress. I am still at the NIH recieving IV infusions of the antibiotic for my infection. They are bringing in a hyptnotist on Monday to see if there is a possibility to help get me out of here sooner.
I've never been to one ~ so, we shall see what happens. The antibiotics are required to run until Jan. 2 ~ so, it seems as though, I just may be spending the New Year here.
Ok ~ ok ~ I know that I shouldn't be complaining, I truly have had a wonderful opportunity at the gift of life with this treatment. All of your comments, thoughts, prayers, vibes, etc. are ALWAYS more than welcome! Thank YOU!
I know that there are still many of you waiting your opportunity at the gift of life as well. I keep so many in my thoughts and prayers. I have seen alot of heartache since I have been coming to the NIH, but I have also seen alot of miracles...
Dr. Rosenburg even stopped into my room the other day to say "hello" (which, I hear, is something that he does quit infrequently!) I'm a lucky one :)
I'm sorry to say, that there won't be alot of pics posted for awhile. I do so have alot of stored photos from my time and stay here; from a sweet sixteen to a tea party to Christmas Carolers, to Amy and her wonderful prescence and sooooo much more from many, I am blessed and grateful.
Clem, please tell you wife that I absolutely LOVE the blanket! I have used it everyday since I got it in the mail. I have loved and adored all gifts that have been bestowed upon me this holiday season. I have such a wonderful bunch of loving family, co-workers, and friends... even internet family!!! :) I couldn't have done all of this without YOU!!!
Keep the faith ~ Love with all your heart and all will be well. If there is one thing that I have truly learned from all of this... it is... that people truly do hold great compassion and love in there hearts for one another.
I can only hope to return the favor ten fold. I am looking forward to a positive outcome from this treatment... and then... I've given great thought about what to do with my life... and one thing is for sure... in some way, shape, or form, I will find a way to give back in life.

Thanks again, to ALL. Love one another and peace be with you.

My update!

Hello Everyone!

C'est moi, Becky!!!



I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas.

Unfortunately, it was a bit of a rough one for me, personally ~ I was extremely ill ~
I was supposed to be heading home today ~ but the docs are keeping me another week, until I can get all of the antibiotics in ~ I am having a very difficult time keeping them down by mouth ~ actually ~ it's been hard to keep much down at all ~ something that I've got to work on here this week.
I will be at the NIH for another week ~ yes, another long week. Although, the rough stuff is over!!! Alleliuh. Wow ~ what a treatment is all I can say. Although, the NIH is the best. They are so wonderful here. I don't remember much of the entire event (which, is fine by me!)
As soon as I can get these med's down and all the antibiotics are in... I'll be heading home. I'm ready. I'm really looking forward to getting well ~ the beach is beginning to call me home.
Unfortunatly, my cell phone does NOT work in here, at all. My room phone number is 301-451-2985. I'm in room 2628 on 3NW for one more week. Hopefully, I will be well enough to answer the phone should I be in the room.
I am supposed to try leaving and getting out a bit... to try and see how it goes on my own before I am released.

OK ~ just wanted to briefly update everyone ~ wish them a wonderful holiday season ~ and say Thank you soooo much for all the goodness that has been endowed upon me this season.
The cells are in me! and, I have a correction ~ 60 billion. The MOST that anyone has ever had grown and put back into them (imagine that) those little critters should be causiing great havock on those melanoma cells!!!! keep wishing me well.

Thank you all.
Love, Becky

Bald is Beautiful

Christmas at the NIH

3 days to go...

It's hard to believe that it is the Monday before Christmas... and all through the house, the stockings were hung, with wishes for all to be well.


I wanted to personally Thank several people... (please excuse me is I miss anyone)



Amy ~ Thank you from the bottom of my heart ~ for your wonderful kindness.. like my mom said "you are a part of the family!" ~ the sweet 16 cookie was a success ~ and I adore the hats and scarves! (whatever you need... whenver you need... we will be here for you too.)
Julie ~ Thank you also ~ for keeping up with my mom and my progress and my blog. You are a doll.
I recieved a wonderful care package from my family and friend at the mpip board/site ~ My picture is posted in my room with all of your names ~ and I am making good use of the warm winter hats!!!!
Kim Deitz ~ Thank you soooo very much for the lovely headbandwrap ! it is something different ! pretty cool, and neat! I've got to get myself some hoop earrings now to wear with it!!! I hope to buy some more after the Holidays!!!!!
Bob, Renee, and Clem ~ once again, I can not Thank you enough for the charitable donations ~ they are a blessing.
Mark Origer ~ I haven't forgotten about you... wow... what an experience. I'll say, it hit me hard ~ like a Mac truck, indeed. yes, indeed; but your care package and donation was so gracious :) Please Thank everyone at your station for me. Everyone loves the Postal Bear ~ he is sitting in my hospital room with all of my letters/cards that have been delievered with a Happy, Holly, Jolly, Santa hat!
To each and everyone of my family members and friends who have been by my side or taken the time to be by my side ~ regardless if I were only sick and sleeping ~ it still means alot to me. As well, to those at home ~ Todd, Thanks for looking after my house (ps... please make sure to keep out all flying bats) ~ inside joke: during my stay in the hospital in October squirells started coming into my home... it was like a wildlife refugee camp... and when you would try to shooo them away... they would fly at you (or so, I was told... pst... personally, I think something fishy might be going on around here!)

Ok ~ enough for one night ~ need to get my rest... long day ahead... ultrasound of the kidneys again... looking for infection of the stint, etc... and hopefully, my counts will be up... I'd like to go find a wig.

Enjoy your day.




ps....Johnny, hey, I tried to leave you a post and send a message... either the chemo has completely whipped me out or I am completely stupid!!! lol... either way, I'm glad to read that you are stable... you are right... stable is good ~ for us. We are still here, living strong, and fighting even stronger!!! I hope that you enjoy your Holiday Season. I am thinking of you :) ...waiting for more of your wonderful stories and pics.

Greg... no, no... I didn't forget you, how could I? never. Tracey either ~ please relay my greetings ~ and Holiday Cheer :)
I wanted to let you know that I am fighting. I am fighting this... with all I have. I hope that you can make the best of your season. Perhaps get in another visit to Canada? Please be sure to let your family know as well, that they are in my thoughts and prayers.



I send my Love,
Becky


~

4 more days...

it's hard to believe how fast time passes us by. I hope that everyone takes a few moments to reflect with great passion this year ~ on the love and warmth that they give, have, and radiate to all ; it means more than anything monetary. Take a few moments to just say "thanks" ~

I've thanked the Universerse for all that has been shown and given to me.


Enjoy the Holidays and Festivities!!! :)


******************************************
quick update: I am still neuatrapenic ~ and continue to wait and anticipate the growth of my cell counts.
Today I am being given 2 more units of blood transfusion. That will make a total of 6 blood transfussions and 3 white cell transfussions....
hopefully, my body will soon start to produce its own in mass!! Keep up the good thoughts, vibes, and prayers.

Love, Becky

If you could only listen...

oh ~ *sigh* ~ in the middle of the night, while your child, children, spouse, pet, or significant other lye lye less than 10 feet or so away... if you could only awaken yourself enough to listen to the sheer quietness... or the slight patter and rhthym of their heart beat. If you could only take that moment and hold it with you ~ before it enters the realm of long lost forgotten and unheard of composure's; you would find great magic abound.
Countless times I have sat and just watched my daughter lye still; her left arm always untucked from the comfort of her blanketing shield. The face; that baby doll face withthe same exact smalll protruding eyes, ears, and mouth. Skin so delicate and sweet you would swear that it weren't meant to be put on a Gerber's Life Insurance Policy or product.
"O" Oprah!!!! Santa Baby, don't you hurry down that chimmney tonight.

Life is peculiar in a nutshell.

I have serious been blessed by an angel in the heaven above our sky's ~ I have serious been been given many great talents and enchriching family and friends.

I am at this very moment awake in my hospital bed. The room is dancing with Christmas cheer. It brings glee to heart to show and post the kindness and generousity which has touched my spirit.


The mood is not meek, by any means. It is prosperous, desirous, and sweet.


I have endured some of the roughest treatments possible. It has felt like an entire old school rugby team came at me from every which direction ther can me. As many know, I'm a strong, stubborn, brave ass!!!


I have just about lost the majority of my hair ~ today, it was so stringy, that I finally asked my mother to cut it off ~ ear's length. It continues to fall; and I will continue the battle.

I remember way back when... I wrote a post asking whether bald is beautiful : and I am now pleased to inform you, that there is beauty in baldness :) without a doubt!!!

I'm hoping to start feeling well enough to leave the hopital on a day pass next week so that I may either find a wig or two ~ and some electrifying scarves with dangling earrings to boot!!!

Re-invention is fun! It's the mind which won't permitt, which feeds on the frenzy, to degate it's "political~sa"tire".


I have a whrilwind of thoughts ~ that I would like to express... but, let's just take it one step at a time.
Remember ~ The Power of: YOU is the only thing holding and stopping you dead in your tracks.
So, Get up and Re-Vive and Stay Alive!!!




I send all my love ~
(yes, I will still be at the NIH the week of Christmas. As of now ... my immune system is still whiped out; which means...that any little germ... could potentially be fatal)...



Thanks again, for avidly reading!
I send my love, Becky

(ps. I will send photos from here soon)

***************************

Hello everyone I heard that it is snowing back home and in many other parts ~Reno, Las Vegas... WOW
Please excuse my grammer and proper political awareness within my speech. I feel as though I have been big time old time rugby football. They just keep attacking me from every which way. I really finished my treatments last saturday... and I thought ~ WWO this wasn't as back as i thought i would be... but, no one, and i do mean mean... no one could prepare me for this.....

b right back....

nurse is here...

December 18

So I called tonight, and Becky herself answered the phone. She sounded very tired but it was good to speak to her. She said she had been sleeping around the clock the last couple of days and tomorrow they are going to give her some platelets.

She has made it through the treatment! It only gets better from here!

She did say her hair is starting to come out in clumps. Totally expected but still must be difficult to experience.

She is a determined one, our Becky is! Hanging in there.

Julie

December 16th

I wasn't able to reach Dee last evening, but just talked to her now. Becky is having a rough time, but it isn't unexpected. Lots of nausea and they sedated her this afternoon and she is sleeping. She did the 7 doses of IL2 and finished those on Sunday, so now she is recovering from all the treatments. And those treatments are really rough on your body.

Once her immune system gets up to a certain level, they will let her go home but she will still need to be careful for a while, Dee says it takes about six months before her immune system is back to normal. They don't expect to be able to go home until after Christmas. She should gradually start to feel better though, at least better then she is now!

She has received several blood transfusions and some platelets. Sounds like they are taking good care of her. Hopefully this phase won't last long.

I am sure she will be on here typing away before we know it!

Julie

Hospital Menu: "bauhm"...

ooop


there it is.... The National Cancer Institute has served me; and me alone, 60 million plus 4 white blood cells friday afterdaynoon! They were a think o f beauty ~ My research nursed let me hold them in the palm of my hand, much like a mother rocking and craddling her new born baby for the first time.
It was a great accoplishmenat and feet for many who were involved. The National Cancer Institute is wonderful The team of cell Doctor' and all who were involed made a very heart heartwarming card for us.
I t was so touching to actually see with pure clarity the pearlly colors of my cells. A tinkle was in my eye :) (if you can only imagine!)
Please keep your thougths and prayers and prayers on high alert for all of this... The Power of: you makes a grave difference.
Next weekend I will try and plan on having a "surprise sweet 16" party for her ~ nothing elaborate... it's an age of becomoing... and whether she realizes it of not... it is an age that through which many opstacles were given to her.
I continue to firmly believe that there is a greater purpose for the vision ~ and that someday, she to, will have here "ah, ha" moment.. in life.
Untill then, let's just celebrate a wonderful person, with the power and potiental for an extraordinary life :)

It's a dreary 10:30 pm at the NIH. The halls are all
but vacant, awaiting the dawn and anticipation of workds, a scurry and hutle ofd creativity.
And, As I sit down to take take my warmn winnters nap (pending the warm blankets that are on their way...) I am to reminded how this journey, or mine began

sorry now... getting light-headed and very tired... vomited quit a bit this eve... I believe that that discssion is ot qquit the main treamtmes.....ill keep you up to date asap love ya!
ps im have a great Chalie Brown Christmas!!! L) small tree wth ligths and presents...exciting///you've made my day :)

Over 60 Million Served!

Over 60 Million Served!

December 14th

Things continue to go well at NIH for Becky, great news! She has now completed 7 doses of IL2 following the administration of her cells on Friday and she felt well enough today to eat half of a BLT sandwich. She will continue to get the IL2 until her body says enough. She is hanging in there like the trouper we all know she is.

I understand she expects to post herself in the near future too. She writes so much more eloquently then I do! We will all be glad to have her back at the keyboard.

Julie

December 12

Becky has received her cells! She was given 60 billion of them at 1:30 this afternoon. Around 3:30 she received her first treatment of IL2 and is currently sleeping.

Work cells, work!

Becky, you are doing so well and what an inspiration for us all. All our prayers and thoughts are with you for a wonderful success story which I know you will share in the future with us here and on the MPIP. What an encouragement you will be to all those newly diagnosed!

Julie

December 10th

Becky continues to hold her own. She is still tired and got a transfusion today, which is a usual thing because of the chemo drugs she is on. She gets her last dose of the easier chemo tomorrow morning at 5 and will be all ready for the cells on Friday at about noon. Once she gets those she will start feeling really ill again, and even moreso once she starts the IL2 treatments after that. She gets as many of those as she can take and then it is a matter of waiting until her immune system kicks back in before she can go home, usually a couple of weeks or so.

You are getting there Becky! Things are moving along and you are fighting tough! Keep it up!

Julie

December 9th - Still Smiling

So I was a little worried last night when I couldn't reach anybody in Becky's room. Dee did write me tonight and I also talked to her after, Becky continues to do fine. She is still having a lot of problems with nausea but is more alert now and able to walk around a little bit. She is tired from not getting much sleep and the chemo. All is still a go for her getting the cells on Friday. Until then, she will receive the milder chemo each day.

Last night Dee had gone down to the craft room to make a sweatshirt for Becky. I didn't let the phone ring long not wanting to disturb Becky if she was sleeping. I figured somebody would pick up pretty quick if they were there.

Julie

December 7th

Hello: Made my nightly phone call and spoke with Dee, Becky's mom, tonight. Becky is having a rough time of it but nothing they don't expect. They just gave her the next IV of chemo, the easier kind. She has spent most of the day sleeping and being nauseous from the treatment last night, but that is to be expected. She is running a low grade fever and they have run some tests to check for infection.

They expect her to start feeling better tomorrow. The chemo she is on now is an easier one to tolerate. She should be feeling better the rest of this week, until she gets her cells on Friday.

On another note, today would have beeen Becca's 37th birthday. Becca and Becky did their IL2 together last February but unfortunately it didn't work for either of them. I know Becca really wanted to get back to NIH and do the TIL program that Becky is doing now, but she never made it. Much prayers and hopes that this will be the miracle that Becky needs to return to a normal life.

Julie

December 6th

I spoke to Becky's sister tonight. She had a rough night but that is to be expected since she is undergoing the difficult part of the chemo treatment. She got one treatment last night and was undergoing the second one tonight when I spoke with her sister. She has been sleeping a lot and had some nausea and hasn't been able to keep much down, but her vital signs are good and she is making it through. After today she will start a different chemo and should feel better while on that one, until she receives her cells next Friday the 12th. Then the rough part will start again.

We are all rooting for you Becky! You are getting there!

Julie

chemo is running through me now.....

today's thoughts, expressions, and views are being brought to you by ME! So much has been lost in translation... so much time has passed since I have written ~ as you can imagine, much was left unsaid. While in the midst of taking a "break ~ away" from cancer, I became ill for several days. Basically, I just lost alot of sleep time and was very week and too tired to truly want to do anything.
This past sunday evening at about 1 am ~ I began to vomitt profusely throughout the night. (a major concern considering I was attempting to gain weight for this treatmetl } I ended up in my local hopital's er ~ I had noticed that I had basically all but depleted my morhpine supply through excretions. The pain became so completely untolerable; which yields to further problems within the boday that began to spiral out of contrl. I was given 10 ml of IV morphine within a two hour spand *whick is basically a sign of just how bad my body was feeling without* severe pain leads to nausea...and then to vomitting... a vicous cycle. I was then given a shot of zophran (which helps to control the feelings of nasea)
I was then realised and send home. During which, at this point, I had lost about 5lbs. So, I called the NIH to find out what their plan of action was with this little set back. They said... get on that plane and we will take care of you... and we will find out what is wrong. All Ct and Mri scans came back basically the same : 1 expection, that tumour has grown slighly, but this was to be expected. The wonderful news, it has not been spread to any major organs.
In a very weak, light headed, and dizzy state, I took their advice and here I am.
Here I am 1 hour prior to my first chemo injections sitting on my bed, wrighting to you in grave anticipation, and frought with complete anxiety.
It is an hour long infusion ~ along with many any meds ~ to help stabalize the blader which will aid in getting the chemo out of my body. Lasix ~ to help get rid of a lot of water retention throught my body.

You'll have to excuse me, I was given antivan ~ its for anxiety and nausea ~ as well, the zophran is running again.
My thoughts may be a bit jungled, please bear with.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I did get my permanet port line put in my upper right chest ~ it is stitched to my colar bone and is realy hurting! crazy place for that! As well, I have an antinausea patch behind my ear, and a slew of other drugs that may be used just in case these don't. Also,,, I have recently started a pain medicine patch (natrually a narcotic) on my upper right arml~ it gets changed every 72 hours. It's much better than worrying about taking morphine orally by mouth every two...and given the crazy drowsey side effects... this Fentanyl patch works quit well.
The pain managment team has been in... they are going to order me a bracelet to wear ~ as well, a massage and massage therapy chair (to be used when I'm feeling much better)
The time is actually here. I have about 6 bags of stuff running through my poor little body!!!!
Cells are on a "go" status.
I've got to believe that this is the Big One. The one which will kick melanoma in its ass. I am ready to move on with my life~
Oh, I forgot to mention... Jacque from pain management wants me to interview his students/viceversa about bedside manners/mannersim... he is teaching Dr.s to not only treat the diseas but the human being as well. I completely agree!!! One good deed at a time.

You have all amazed me!!! Please forgive me a head of time ~ if I'm not feeling so wel to speak or converse for long periods of time.... I may be an on-looking... sharing the great effort. I sooo do look forward to meeting more of you and putting a face with a name.
ok hhavong a bit of trouble... may need to say my good-bye's for now...
You are all berry blessed and unique ~ Such wonderful people. Keep up your own fight ~ and hopefully someday I will be able to help return a favor. (lets hope it will be on a much better note!!!)

PS... I was wondering if anyone had any nice scarves that I may used? or catalogues online so that I may order some and have them shipped here to me... because I only two winter hats... (and that's not going to cut it~) lol...
I want to look pretty...oh, so pretty...
Take Care Love Becky

Good News! December 4

I just talked to Dee, Becky's mom, and Becky got good news today, her scans showed the melanoma has not spread beyond where it already was. I know she was so worried that it had spread into her brain with the headaches she was having. Anyway, she starts some medication this evening at 8 for her gallbladder,evidently this chemo is really rough on your gallbladder. Tomorrow the lab will check the cells to see if they are ready. If they are, the chemo will start, if not they may need another day or so.

Becky has been moved to a private room for the treatment. All systems are go and she will soon be off and kicking some major melanoma ***!

KMA Becky!

Julie

December 3rd

Hi! This is Julie, I am an e-mail friend of Becky's and hope to keep an update current on her progress at NIH. I just spoke to her mom and they are there. Becky is scheduled for tests today. They are both tired from the trip and the tests! I believe she has had her CT scan and is scheduled for an MRI later tonight. Tomorrow she is scheduled to get her port in.

An idea of mine to support Becky while she is there this month is to send her Christmas cards with a picture of you in it. They have a board they can post things up on and she can look up and see all the people who care about her. She had posted her address below. I have got to get my picture taken to send to her myself!

Much love, prayers and support headed your way, Becky!

Julie