Thursday, July 31, 2008

Committing to YOU



Awhile back, I had heard a saying; "you learn something new everyday". People come in and out of your life on a daily basis. Some you will remember and other's you will not. Certain people will affect and touch you like no other. We can learn a great deal from our daily encounters and interactions. Life is a wonderful series of events; each one leading us to another and we can choose to learn from these events if we so please.
The Power of: YOU believe's in the power of people. It believes in the spirited individual. It believes that YOU have the ability to heal.
YOU must first be willing to make a committment to YOUrself. You must be willing to help yourself first and foremost, before you can begin to help another. I have found, that by putting a "little reminder"; a sea shell ring, which signifies my committment to myself, on my finger ~ it has become a great source of inspiration. The Power of: YOU must reflect ~ YOU.
Positive energy and thought are the main precursor's to any sort of healing. YOU must take the first step, into your own wellness and healthy state of mind. Find strength in those whom you meet are optimistic and strong and feed your committment to yourself through them. It is a power antidote much like an antioxidant.

One such person whom I recently met; a very wonderful woman, named Julie, I found great compassion for. Her friend had unfortunately recently passed from Melanoma. She was without a doubt, a very dedicated and loyal friend. I found within her, such great admiration in her quest to help. She immediately gave and drew out positive energy and the reflection of committment to a greater cause.
She mentioned that "we" must be willing to open ourselves to alternative chooses and thoughts., and in order to start healing we needed to make that committment. The Power of: YOU ~ is exactly that ~ the willingness to open yourself ~ to all possibilites.
A forwarded e-mail from a healing specialist stated:



"There is much she can do to self-heal. She must do this healing, not doctors, family or friends. Healing, or curing an illness is the purview of the sick alone. She must make the changes in her life style to make this work. Treating cancer is different than curing cancer. Only the body's immune system can cure, and it can only do so if the host takes care of their immune cells. Because of her chemo--those cells, and the good bacteria she needs to help her absorb nutrition, have been damaged or destroyed... I do not treat, I am a wellness coach".

It is within The Power of: YOU to self-heal. Self-healing at any level. YOU must live up to the challenge. "Healing, or curing an illness is the purview of the sick alone". Changes are necessary to make this happen. Allow those that you meet, help you in the process. Believe in yourself and the power of all.

As I left Julie, the wonderful new woman that I met, I felt more compelled to the cause. Healing must come first and foremost from within. Her positive attitude and strength helped carry me on and through yet another day. Her true sincerity will linger long, and the hug goodbye will forever be remembered as a significant reminder that their is inheritantly good in all.

to view Julie's friends website: www.freewebs.com/livelaughlovetk

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"The simplier life"

Aahhh, what a life! "The simplier life" ~ a dog's life...



If we could all just take a few moments to s...l...o...w... down. Slow down and enjoy some of the simplier things in life.
I have enjoyed, immensely, all of the recent photo's and depiction's of "the other side of life"; as viewed by YOU.
I know, that many of my reader's are struggling with many different issues in their lives. I hope that we can learn from these experiences, through a network of sharing, caring, outreach, and growth. A community of Love and Support. That is what The Power of: YOU is all about! YOU have the power to help heal; not only yourselves, but other's as well, in the process.
I thought it appropriate to post this picture at this particular time. It is a photo of one of my cousin's four dogs ~ yes, I said 1 of 4!!! I know, that they have been of great joy and comfort for her throughout all of her trials and tribulations in life.
I would also like to dedicate a memorial for my brother-in-laws and good friends passing. Although they both have had different losses due to cancer, they are one in the same in the hearts of all. My brother-in-law had noticed alot of weight loss in his canine companion of 17 years ~ The doctors had thought it was related to issues with his spleen. Unfortunately, once Shadow was on the operating table, Pancreatic Cancer was found. It was a very difficult moment for Chris and my sister. They choose to have Shadow put to sleep; so as not to have to endure the pain and treatments.
"Cancer does not discriminate" ~ absolutely not. This is a statement that I heard a surgeon say, who had recently been diagnosed with cancer. Cancer is an unfortunate disease. One that takes it toll on all family members.
This dedication is as well, for the loss and passing of my friend Sherri's father, who fought Cancer for so many years. The other side of life, in effect has choosen to take so many wonderful people; family, friends, and pets. It does not discriminate.
I can only hope that all who are dealing with the loss of a be-loved, that you find peace and comfort in the moments of the "simplier life". We reach out to YOU ~ in your moment of need.
Take comfort in knowing, that you are not alone. You are forever in our hearts and soul.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Traveling Cancer


It is time to take a look at a Cancer diagnosis in a different light. The pendalum swings... to a different beat. Although traveling cancer usually refers to "metastises", or spread of disease; it can be an ironic state. I have found, that finding a "play on words" or "puns" has really helped. I enjoy my most recent thought, that "I am not living with cancer" but that "cancer is living with me".
I am taking Cancer to new heights. It is NOT taking me. I am going to live and cancer is along for the ride! Traveling Cancer is a concept that I have been long trying to grasp. Today, of all days... The Power of: YOU has found that play. I have been questioned by many terminal cancer patients with relatively short periods of time left; "what do I do now"? "where do I go from here"? I am humbled when asked, yet; out of what others may believe to be "sheer madness" ~ I have stated: to what you love best. Many of my responses involve the want and need to take trips. Trips to visit family or friends. Trips to bound husband and wife, trips to make lasting memories. The Power of: YOU ~ already knows... where your heart lies. YOU know that your path is destined to Travel.
Travel releases our inhibitions. Travel expands our horizons. Travel brings adventure and light into our lives. Cancer patients have a need to be "freed". To leave behind all thoughts of the disease. Travel provides an amazing open adventure and forum; a disguise. Traveling Cancer; or Traveling with Cancer; puts YOU in control ~ at your speed. You decided when to relax, when to enjoy, and when to proceed. YOU explore life abound. The simpliest of pleasures are heightened by sheer delight.
"Cancer Travels" ~ and The Power of: YOU ~ working toward the attainment of life's natural end and joy. To travel. Plain and simple. To free yourself from thought of this disease. To bring peace, solace, and joy. The natural beauty of the world around, is a natural escape. A freedom. The open road, to doors that will never be closed.
Take your cancer on the road! The Power of: YOU ~ already knows... the answer to the inevitable question... "what do I do?" "where do I go"? ~ HIT THE OPEN ROAD!
HOPEFULLY, in the future, The Power of: YOU will be able to help start a foundation to fund a terminal cancer patients last Traveling wish "~ Traveling Cancer's Cure~"

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The "other side of Life"


In the midst of battling cancer, there is a side, that many don't get to see. I call it "the other side of life". This depiction and photo of Joanne's father is exactly that side.
As a cancer patient, we spend many hours and days in a hospital bed. Many times, completely unaware of how time passes. Unfortunately, for the loved ones that are by our side, it seems like a restless eternity. There is a struggle and balance that not only the cancer patient tries to deal with, but the caregivers, and family members as well. As Joanne mentioned, she had wished that so much time hadn't been spent on clinical trial and treatments. Instead, she had wished that perhaps time had been spent on a family trip to make memories with her father and in hopes of peace and happiness in his later days.
This is a commom thought amoung both patients and caregivers alike. It is a struggle and a balance that is very difficult to weigh.
From personal experience, I have been on the "other side of life", many times. I have been the father in the picture. I have also had family sitting by my side on the "other side of life". I'd say to caregivers, that we know how undauntling difficult it is to sit by idly; to watch this disease take its toll. But, I'd also say; that it is YOUR continued support and love that gets us through these extremly difficult moments. We know that YOU are there. We know that YOU care, and that is what is most important to us. YOU are our support and guide.
I have often wondered why these are the moments and photos that no one shares. I have often thought and believed that these were "our" finer moments. Our struggles, our trials, our tribulations, our battle; fuilled with love and support. These are the times when we are at our best. These unfortunate reflections, need to be taken and shared. They shouldn't be hidden like some taboo tablot. The world needs to see "the other side of life". The battle. The fight for our life.
The courageous patient and caregiver alike should be glorified, for this battle is a reality unlike any other. I would hope that The Power of: YOU can help change the way we look at a Cancer Patients Life. I as well hope that caregivers and family alike, continue to share and explore their feelings. "How beautiful" it is, in life; to see such glorious photo ~ in good times and in bad.
I wish Joanne and her family continued peace throughout life. I hope that The Power of: YOU will reach beyond your struggles for the greater good in this life.
Please feel free to contact Joanne at jojomg3668@aol.com or post any thoughts, questions, or comments about her story. I believe in my reader's and The Power of: YOU. YOU can and do make a difference!
Thank you for sharing and for caring!

A Speial Moment in Time







"A Special moment in Time: How Beautiful"

These were my very first thoughts upon recieving this photo from a reader. Her name is Joanne and this is her father. She states that: "I would be honored to share my story with your readers. God bless you. I wish you peace and happiness and to be the one to beat this horrible disease. Keep in touch, you are a beautiful woman." ~ Joanne

The Power of: YOU is a community of wonderful individul's who outreach to each other, in the hope and need to share their experiences, stories, trials, and tribulations with Cancer's Journey. Joanne's recollection is one of many truly heartwarming and emotional stories that have grave impact on our daily lives.
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Joanne's Story:

"Hi my name is Joanne and my dad died of melanoma and it's been so hard but then I see someone amazing like you with such grace and bravery that it makes me feel better, I felt like my father was the one who was going to beat this. but I guess everyone thinks that,.he was in 3 trials and went through so much . I often wonder if we should have just let him go naturally. without all the "treatments" that made him so sick I wish I could have taken him on an amazing trip somewhere beautiful instead of spending 70% of our time in hospitals. He was such an strong beautiful man, and he is so missed, so missed., I wish you the best of life your attitude is wonderful good luck and best wishes Joanne "
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Friday, July 25, 2008

"Internet Inspiration dies"



PITTSBURGH - Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon University computer scientist whose "last lecture" about facing terminal cancer became an Internet sensation and a best-selling book, died Friday. He was 47.
Pausch died at his home in Chesapeake, Va., said Jeffrey Zaslow, a Wall Street Journal writer who co-wrote Pausch's book. Pausch and his family had moved there last fall to be closer to his wife's relatives.



Pausch was diagnosed with incurable pancreatic cancer in September 2006. His popular last lecture at Carnegie Mellon in September 2007 garnered international attention and was viewed by millions on the Internet.
In it, Pausch celebrated living the life he had always dreamed of instead of concentrating on impending death.
"The lecture was for my kids, but if others are finding value in it, that is wonderful," Pausch wrote on his Web site. "But rest assured; I'm hardly unique."
The book "The Last Lecture" leaped to the top of the nonfiction best-seller lists after its publication in April and remains there this week. The book deal was reported to be worth more than $6 million.
Pausch said he dictated the book to Zaslow by cell phone, and Zaslow recalled Friday that he was "strong and funny" during their collaboration.
"It was the most fun 53 days of my life because it was like a performance," Zaslow told The Associated Press. "It was like getting 53 extra lectures." He recalled that Pausch became emotional when they worked on the last chapter, though, because that to him was the "end of the lecture, the book, his life."
At Carnegie Mellon, Pausch was a professor of computer science, human-computer interaction and design, and was recognized as a pioneer of virtual reality research. On campus, he became known for his flamboyance and showmanship as a teacher and mentor.
The speech last fall was part of a series Carnegie Mellon called "The Last Lecture," where professors were asked to think about what matters to them most and give a hypothetical final talk. The name of the lecture series was changed to "Journeys" before Pausch spoke, something he joked about in his lecture.
"I thought, damn, I finally nailed the venue and they renamed it," he said.
He told the packed auditorium he fulfilled almost all his childhood dreams — being in zero gravity, writing an article in the World Book Encyclopedia and working with the Walt Disney Co.
The one that eluded him? Playing in the National Football League.
"If I don't seem as depressed or morose as I should be, sorry to disappoint you," Pausch said.
He then joked about his quirky hobby of winning stuffed animals at amusement parks — another of his childhood dreams — and how his mother introduced him to people to keep him humble: "This is my son. He's a doctor, but not the kind that helps people."
Pausch said he was embarrassed and flattered by the popularity of his message. Millions viewed the complete or abridged version of the lecture, titled "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," online.
"I don't know how to not have fun," he said in the lecture. "I'm dying and I'm having fun. And I'm going to keep having fun every day I have left. Because there's no other way to play it."
Pausch lobbied Congress for more federal funding for pancreatic cancer research and appeared on "Oprah" and other TV shows. In what he called "a truly magical experience," he was even invited to appear as an extra in the upcoming "Star Trek" movie.
He had one line of dialogue, got to keep his costume and donated his $217.06 paycheck to charity.
Pausch blogged regularly about his medical treatment. On Feb. 15, exactly six months after he was told he had three to six months of healthy living left, Pausch posted a photo of himself to show he was "still alive & healthy."
In May, Pausch spoke at Carnegie Mellon's commencement ceremonies, telling graduates that what mattered was he could look back and say, "pretty much any time I got a chance to do something cool, I tried to grab for it, and that's where my solace comes from."
"We don't beat the reaper by living longer, we beat the reaper by living well and living fully," he said.
Born in 1960, Pausch received his bachelor's degree in computer science from Brown University and his Ph.D. from Carnegie Mellon.
He co-founded Carnegie Mellon's Entertainment Technology Center, a master's program for bringing artists and engineers together. The university named a footbridge in his honor. He also created an animation-based teaching program for high school and college students to have fun while learning computer programming.
In February, the Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences in California announced the creation of the Dr. Randy Pausch Scholarship Fund for university students who pursue careers in game design, development and production.
He is survived by his wife, Jai, and their three children, Dylan, Logan and Chloe; his mother, Virginia Pausch of Columbia, Md.; and a sister, Tamara Mason of Lynchburg, Va.
In a statement Friday, his wife thanked those who sent messages of support and said her husband was proud that his lecture and book "inspired parents to revisit their priorities, particularly their relationships with their children."
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Associated Press writer Ramesh Santanam contributed to this report.
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On the Net:
Pausch's lecture: http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/ap/ap_en_ot/storytext/obit_pausch/28356694/SIG=113u0eo5g/*http://www.cmu.edu/randyslecture/
Inspiring Professor Randy Pausch Dies ABC News » All news video
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WHERE DID IT ALL BEGIN, YOU MAY ASK...

By no means, am I an internet guru. YouTube, just something that I thought the teenage viewed. So, when my cousin in California sent me the youtube link to Dr. Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" and explained to me that I should really view. I decided to take her advice. At that particular time, I was a "myspacer" and uploaded the link to my site. Problem was, no one was really watching. No one was really listening. No one really cared.
I got the message. LOUD AND CLEAR! I'd imagine, that because I too, was diagnosed with terminal cancer; the message hit home, with certain clarity. I began to realize, that Dr. Randy Paush's message of "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" was most definately a working possibilty. So, I set off; beyond the spand and realm of myspacer's... to "blogland". I wanted other's to hear. I wanted other's to believe. I wanted other's to see. I wanted other's to feel. I wanted other's to know... that a "dreamer's dream" is never unattainable.
I began and set out on my quest. So, some say; and even call it; "a bucket list" of sorts. I'm not so sure, that I am entirely fond of the expression. Dr. Randy Pausch's message was simple. Set out to achieve your childhood dreams.
I had absolutely NO problem making my list. It has ALWAYS been there. My dreams, my thoughts, and my unattained goals. No longer, was I going to sit by; idly so. My cancer diagnosis has indeed changed the course of my path. I call it: "Cancer's Cure". Cancer has been the cure ~ to all of my Life's ailments. I now strive to seek and obtain my very own childhood dreams.
I've always loved wrighting, photography, and travel, as a form of self-expression. I am constantly inspired by nature and people abound. So, at the peak of my thoughts; came my first published poem: "Apology". I then decided to take it one step further... I bought myself a nice camera... so that I could take and show my photograph's...or as I say: reflections and depicitions of life "through the eye of a cancer patient".
I also started this blog, to help with my self-reflection; as a means to help grasp onto and with my journey through life with terminal cancer.
I met Greg, through write2fight; and Tracy, through; ironically enough, throughth3wall. They were my first "blogging" contacts and inspirations. True hero's and heroen's by my means. I am honoured and thrilled to inform you, that I will be named an honorary team member of Team Evotri and my broadcast with Tracy and her partner at http://throughth3wall.com/ will podcast mid August.
My goal and mission is to "outreach" To tap into the Power of: YOU. To show YOU that the Power of: YOU resides not only within and of yourself; but with other's as well. I'd like to personally help any and all in need. My long term goal would most definately be to start a foundation to help educate people about Melanoma. "It's not just skin cancer." There is a grave need for literature and education to raise an awareness about this "beast". I would also like to provide a forum for newly diagnosed cancer patients who are looking for emotional support and someone to share with them, their newfound journey's.
The Power of YOU's mission is simple. To show YOU that YOU can accomplish anything. To show YOU that YOU can help other's accomplish it all!
Blogging has been a powerful antidote for and in the course of my healing. Greg, at http://write2fight.com/ runs a blog forum for YOU to tell YOUR story. It is truly an inspirational and uplifting read. I advise anyone affected by Cancer to share their story with compassion.
Both Greg and Tracy have provided me a wonderful forum for my self-expression. They embody the spirit of The Power of YOU. Please visist both of their sites; for they are truly exemplarary depictions of how the Power of: YOU ~ can rise!
As always, remember; that a cancer diagnosis is not the end of your life. It is just the beginning! My motto stands: "I'm not living with cancer. Cancer is LIVING with me!"

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Increasing the Power of: YOU





"The ideas and this felling of YOU , has already penetrated my soul and I´ve been learning a lot, even been far away in this sunny country once you had the oportunity to know.
I believe you are an evolutive person.
I belive also that this net you´ve been creating is helping not only you but lot´s of people that gets involved or is aweare of it.
I wish to add some emotions to increase the POWER of YOU otherwise it is incompleate ( in my opinion)"
1) Strong Will
2) Tolerance
3) Forgiveness
4) Helpfulness
5) Humble
6) And of course LOVE


Thanks for being you


~Augusto ~Recife, Brazil

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YOU are all amazing! I love your thoughts and comments! More than you can realize, and or know... this "net" truly has helped aide me on, with, and through my journey with Cancer. I am thrilled to share my thoughts, ideas, and concepts on and about LIFE with you. I recieve back, tenfold. It is truly an incredible feeling. Your good thoughts, vibes, spirit, and prayers; have been a grave blessing in my healing process. There is most definately something to be said about the nature of the human spirit. The compassion. The soul. The spirit. The raw emotion. YOU have tapped into your inner core ~ for the greater good. I have always said, and believed in the Power of people. I have always looked for the "good" in other's. I have always believed in the


capabilities of everyone. We are all unique ~ in our own particular way. YOU can, and do ~ make a difference. One good deed, leads unto another, and then, yet another... I've always believed that the world ~ is full of good.


Thank YOU, for being you. There is absolutely something to be said about the Power of people; inevitably, the Power of: YOU!


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I love the thought of "increasing the Power of: YOU". Absolutely! Incredible view!


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What would YOU like to add to increase the Power of: YOU?


Monday, July 21, 2008

"When Dread of Death Becomes Birth"


It has been stated that "many of us weep at the thought of death. Do YOU? Do YOU dread your death? And is your dread of death robbing your joy of life?"
Oddly so, when many cancer patients learn of their "death" sentence, it is hard to think of anything but. Absolutely, we weep. We weep at the thought of an indefinate end. An end of Life as we have come to know it. Death has come to rob us early. Death has come ~ it is known. It is unlike any other thought or concept of death. We all KNOW that we are going to dye someday. It is inevitable. To be "aware" of one's death, is unlike "knowing" of one's death. Throughout the years, I have thought about the concept of death. Life and death; yet, I have all in honesty never been heightened by such a profound awakening. Awakening to the knowledge of death's immediate end.
And why, do we; terminal cancer patients dwell on the continual thought of the lurking concept? Why do we weep for our lives? When, should we not be rejoicing with glory. For, our lives have been given to us ~ and our end has been known to us. We are optimally aware of the great vastness that our breath has offered.
It has been noted that "dread of death ends when you know heaven is your new home." Imagine, your final days ~ are days towards healing. And even if YOU are not a religous, or spiritual individual; it should be known, that your life had meaning. The power of: YOU ~ will forever thrive and survive through your family and friends. Your heaven is on earth.
Beauty surrounds us all ~ everyday. Our dread of death can become a re-birth. We can choose not to weep, but to praise. We can choose not to allow or permit death to rob us of the joy of life.
The power of: YOU ~ can seek to explore. Intristically and extristically; there is much to be viewed. The world and life in and of and around you, permeates. Embrace all that life has to offer. Embrace all that death's end encompasses.
"You live one final breath from your own funeral. Which, from God's perspective, is nothing to grieve."
Heaven on Earth awaits, it is abound with beauty and glory. Exemplify yourself. Do not weep for death, but for life. It is miraculous and joyous. Re-live, re-joice, and regain. LIFE. It is precious. Death ~ it is not the end.
~quotes by Max Lucado

Sunday, July 20, 2008

NEWLY DIAGNOSED CANCER PATIENTS


This is my mother, Donna and I at our first Relay for Life! An overwhelming experience, indeed. When I was diagnosed in March 2006 at stage III with Malignant Metastatic Melanoma ~ I was, to say the least, shocked. Devastated. Mortified. Numb. Upset. Sad. To name but a few. I know what it is like to be a newly diagnosed cancer patient. It seems, that this stage of your diagnosis and disease ~ is bitter and overwhelming. It's hard to know where to turn, at any given point in your diagnosis.
It took me almost 2 years... 2 years of denial... before I started to truly recognize and accept my fate. I wish, that I had found someone to talk too; to share my feelings... who completely understood. Someone who could relate to the fears ~ the battles, the treatments, the side-effects, the emotional roller-coaster ride, and so much more.
I want to help make a difference. So, I am asking YOU: my reader's. If you know of anyone at all, at any stage of any type of cancer who would like some help or words of advice ~ to contact me.
I continue to truly enjoy the private e-mails and mailed greeting cards. In all honesty ~ I am touched by each undaunting story. I'd love to share ~ It can be anonomous or forthecoming.
I would like to help in anyway ~ on any level. I would also like the Power of:YOU ~ my reader's to assist. I would like to share stories, thoughts, reflections, poems, prose, photo's, etc... from those in need.
Reaching out ~ has truly been a grave blessing in disguise for me. It has been a powerful tool in the healing process. To know ~ that soo many individual's ~ unconditionally care ~ give's me flare!!!
There is healing power ~ in the Power of: YOU. Without a doubt.

I have recieved many questions about treatment options, end of life decisions, and in general ~ heartwarming, emotional stories.
It has truly aided me ~ in my path of self-discovery and reflection. I too, hope ~ to be able to do the same for any other. The forum for healing ~ is within you.

Please forward all messages, comments, opinions, stories, thoughts, questions, to Summerbead69@yahoo.com. Please specify if I may post your query. I would like this blog, to be a forum ~ for all. For Cancer Patients, to help themselves heal; and for all reader's to help each other and one another.
If I can not find an answer... I'm sure, that someone will! If you are simply looking for a "listening ear" ~ by all means... I welcome you. Let's help one another ~ face this battle ~ and forever livestrong.
together, we can change the adage:
"I'M NOT LIVING WITH CANCER ~ to : CANCER IS LIVING WITH ME"

Friday, July 18, 2008

Quote of the Day

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that can not be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." ~Arthur Golden~ Memoirs of a Geisha


~This photo was taken at a very difficult time in my life; when there was, indeed, much adversity. The winds were strong ~ and I, like the flock of birds, stood steadfast and headstrong! The Power of: YOU can rise above all adversity. It can not take away ~ that which and who you are. It is a very powerful source. Use it, to tap into your inner-self.
~This moment in time, helped me write and publish my very first poem. A proud accomplishment. One, that I had sought to obtain for so many years, yet, had been given to me and through me ~ because of adversity!
See yourself for who you really are. Seek to obtain, but, do not be torn by remedial plight.
~Your best attributes are invaluable. Embrace them ~ "for the winds and tides of time, will forever chime" ~ Rebecca Luker ~ Collected Whispers

Thursday, July 17, 2008

"Say"




"Say what you need to say"... "say what you need to say"...


~ a familiar lyric with a repeatative verse ~


All too often, I have found, that I have not been honest and fortheright with many. Mainly, because, I am, in general ~ very sensitive to the feelings of others. I often, have left many topics and/or issues "go" ~ out of fear. I am not one, that feels the need or desire to debate. I am one, who enjoys a soft, quiet conversation. Relative calm. I am one, who enjoys peace.

I have come to find, that many emotions and feelings have been bottled through the course of the years... due to my own neglect.

Had I changed earlier, in life... would I be percieved as I am now? Or, does everyone simply believe that I have become stark raving mad? Is is attributed to the cancer diagnosis?

I can say, without a doubt ~ that Cancer has "freed-me" ~ it has helped clear my thoughts on not only a concious, but uncouncious level as well.

There have been many words, left unuttered. Some good, some bad, some indifferent.

Imagine ~ if the Power of:YOU ~ were strong enough to take hold and control of your "true-self". If you could let all inhibibitons go... If you could just "say what you need to say"... "say what you need to say"...

It is liberating. It can be exilerhating, it can be existing, it can be exciting, it can be excrusiating! It can, and most definately will... cause trouble, and stir unwavering emotions. We have been denied. We have learned to "hide" our true thoughts, emotions, and feelings. And, at who's expense? Ultimately, our very own.

Next time, you find yourself ~ thinking of other's, take a moment, to think of yourself. Be honest ~ with who and what you are. "Say... what you need to say"... You never know, what may come your way.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Possessions


My recent thoughts have been turning away from Cancer. Naturally, any cancer patient will tell you, that at certain points, you will have peaks of thinking of nothing but Cancer ~ and at other points, think only of Cancer. It's a balance that is very difficult to coincide with your new life.
I have been giving much thought these days, to many, many different issues. As, I know, so too, are many of my readers. I have recieved numerous questions ~ about "what do I do now"? ~ that, ultimately ~ is the question -for which, many of us with terminal cancer can already answer . It is the unspoken. It is the thought - of Living our Last days - to the utmost fullest. Without worry - or thought of worry.
As many of you are well aware - The Power of:YOU ~ is sought from within. It is already there - lurking, deep from within. However; we inhibit ourselves from acting upon any, if, at all - deep desires, wants, needs, dreams, hopes, and wishes... until it is almost too late.
YOU ~ have already got the answer! and YOU ~ know ~ that you do not need permisssion to act upon your seemingly "whimsical impluses".
I have been reading Eckhart Tolle's book: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
it's a shame, that many of us- do not understand until it is nearly too late - that our lives are driven by external forces .
Within the past year, I have either thrown away or sold many of my personal belongings. There has been much debate, in my mind, lately -whether or not to sell off much larger items ~ diamond jewelry, house, car, etc...
I believe, that I have come to an "unconcious" awareness, that I am and or, will not be ~ in relative need of these remedial "things". Upon reading and reflecting on Tolle's description of a dying cancer patient; I can truly say - I agree. I completely agree and feel as though we "honor things ... as a means to self-enhancement, that is to say, if we try to find ourselves through them."
We become attached and obssessed to remedial objects. We believe that "things" make up our essence. Our "being".
The belief and Power of:YOU ~ lyes directly within. YOU, and only you ~ and/or your ego- can come to grasp and or re-claim yourself.
Find the beauty in the simplier things and joys of life. Set all inatimate objects aside.
"In the last few weeks of her life as her body became weaker, she became more and more radiant, as if light were shinning through her. She gave many of her possessions away...and with each thing she gave away, her joy deepened."

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Standing Alone

It may be time, for a bit of retrospection; I am, as many of us are ~ trying to "deal" with alot of personal issues.
I am looking forward to spending some time with my daughter, aunt and her family. I believe, that it is time, to take the time ~ for others.
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I had hoped to return to work shortly. I'd imagine, that working; (besides paying the bills!! lol) is part of a "normal" life-style. It gives a person great "self-worth" and satisfaction. I guess, I keep telling myself that everything is going to be "alright" ~ which, I am sure it will. However, Life, as I once knew it ~ is not ever going to be the same. I can't even imagine that it truly ever will be.
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You will have to forgive my recent posts, I have alot ~ honestly, going on in my personal life. As if, I didn't already have enough to contend with. I've dealt with it all the best I could throught the past year or so ~ or so, I had thought. I don't know. I don't think, I really thought about it too much.
I've been "running-away"; so to speak.
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The man, whom I just recently met; has informed me, that there is little that can be done for him. So, he has decided to "LIVE". He is buying a car and going to do some traveling with his new wife. I wish him the best. It is a great time in Life, to stop and take time for others.
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The Power of:YOU ~ is something that I HONESTLY believe and will always continue to believe. We all need to look at the inheritently good in others. We should not "judge" other's based on our preconceived notions or concepts - let alone, make other's try to meet up to our standards.
The Power of:YOU ~ is inheritently, GOOD within and of yourself. No one needs to prove anything to you. YOU need to prove everything, to EVERYONE else.
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Stand alone, if you must ~ for what you believe. But, Life is; as many of us know it ~ all too well. Too short. Too damn short for bitterness, hate, and dislike alone. The world would be such a greater place if we all just took the time ~ to Love one another. To look beyond differences ~ Differences are what makes all of us unique to some degree or another. Relish in the good ~ not the bad and give and take optiminally, traits that embdue ~ those that wrap their arms around you and your heart.
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Wednesday, July 9, 2008

LIVE





NEED I SAY MORE?
Take a stand! Life is too short.
I was in my onclogist office today, when I met a man; who was "unsatisfied" with his current Doctor. He decided to take matters of his life into HIS own hands. He was, without a doubt optimistic ~ yet realistic ~ however, there was a hint of uncertainty. Partially, I'd imagine, because of his "dis-satisfication" with his current Doctor.
The Power of: YOU. It is extraordinary. Sometimes, though, we just need to give a little push. We need to help other's along the way. A great mental spirit is all it takes. (as this man, so wisely pointed out!)
I am once again brought back to the statement: "I am Living with Cancer" ~
The Power of: YOU can ultimately prescribe your fate.
LIVE.
Strenghten yourself. Strenghten your not only your body, but mind and soul. Spiritualism ~ resides within each of YOU.
FIND IT.
REACH OUT ~ and help another ~ learn that they are not merely "living with cancer", but rather, "Cancer is living with them".
Regardless if you are a Cancer patient or not ~ learn to LIVE. NOW.


Tuesday, July 8, 2008

no words of wisdom~silent reflection





On occasion ~ things in Life, happen. It's hard to juggle and struggle with many emotional issues ~ let alone add cancer into the equation. I have been rather "emotional" lately. The loss of my newest friend has been difficult. There have been many lives lost to cancer. It is often overwhelming. I often, need to take a break. I often, need to share. I often, need silence.

In the midst of many personal issues ~ I have recieved great comfort from your kind thoughts, words, and greeting cards. I have been touched. I have been lost. I have been alive.

I have heard so many stories of loved ones, lost in the fight. It's hard for one to not truly think about this issue.

I am going to see my local oncologist tommorrow and I imagine, that it has brought upon much anxiety. I will hopefully get the results of an mri that I had done to my pelvis and leg. I have become a bit over cautious and zealous with my will to survive. I can not sit idly by.

I have been unable to sleep much. I have been having terrible dreams about my upcoming chemo treatments; sickness and loss of hair. It is overwhelming and at times, surreal. My life, revolves around one main goal: to stay alive.

I am, as I say ~ very optimistic and hopefull. But, I am, too ~ only human.

We are all, only human. We must take our good days, alongside the bad.



Monday, July 7, 2008

Reflection's



"Have great dreams and dare to live them."
I was looking for some really great inpsirational quotes to start to reflect upon and post and I came upon this incredibly simple statement. I know that you all have dreams ~ great dreams, I bet. How many of you actually DARE to live them? Simple statement, yet very powerful. I've been a dreamer all my life. I've often even stated that I'm the "dreaming-dreamer"... It's a simple concept, one which, I bet many of you can truly relate to. Always day-dreaming about tommorrow or next year or for the vast majority of us... retirement years. We work so hard to build toward our retirement dreams and often, many of us never get to see or experience the dream. It's unfortunate.
I'm not sure how to explain what my cancer diagnosis has changed. It's a new perspective on Life. I've often thought, that perhaps it is my new "selfish" behavior. I've had many believe that I "crazy"... I am beginning, finally, to take my Life, into my own hands. I am making the decisions and working faster towards changing my lifestyle. My time has become extremely precious. I have a "real"-ization of the end. It will be here for me, sooner than expected. I've come to terms with this, finally; the best I know how.
You have the power and time, to change your life. Stop dreaming and start "doing". I DARE YOU to live the dreamers dream. No more excuses...no more waiting until the next paycheck...no more waiting for 401k plans and retirment.
DARE TO DREAM AND LIVE THAT DREAM.
You only get one chance at Life. Make the best of it! Empower YOURSElF to DO. YOU have the ability to accomplish anything that you set your mind to.
I DARE YOU!!!

Friday, July 4, 2008

When a stranger calls








"hi my name is carol and i have cll leukemia i have had it for 15 years how lucky am i i have a vey high white count and i just went out on disability i don.t like that, i have very large lymph nodes in my groins i saw you on tv and you inspired me very much, i do have a positive attitude i go to the dr every week for blood and i am doing ok i believe very much in my doctor i to saw the bucket list and it was an amazing movie, i guess i am writing to you just to say thanks for putting a smile on someones face carol"



I received this private e-mail today and became overwhelmed with emotion. I am truly beside myself lately. The support that I have been recieving by YOU ~ is very touching and inspirational.

I had never really thought or planned to be an inspiration to anyone. I was merely trying to stay positive with thought. Positive and Optimistic. Hopefull and faithful. I wanted to let other's know, that I can relate and understand. I know how very difficult it is to be "happy" in the midst of tradgedy and turmoil.

Life is very unpredicatable. We can not control our destinies or paths. Nor, should we. I have found, that by trying to take control we actually get lost. Lost in our endeavours. We are here, on earth, for each other. The phrase: "no man is an island"... has great significance.

My latest thought; "Aspire to Inspire" ~ was meant as a means, to help other's. Although, I had never truly thought... that I, could make a difference. I believed that WE could all... each and everyone of us... as a sum entity... make a difference. Make a change.

I see, that I am a greater part, now. If I am able to help someone out, who in turn, helps some else out... I have followed my belief's.

It is truly heartwarming and exceptional to know, that the Power of: YOU ~ is shinning through!

I commend my reader's. I commend YOU all. Your outreach is bringing in a very positive belief.

YOU are making a difference in the lives of others... complete strangers... unite. It is incredible. I will continue to have great belief in the Power of: YOU.

Now, go out there... and put a smile on someone else's face :)



Wednesday, July 2, 2008

"IM NOT LIVING WITH CANCER; CANCER IS LIVING WITH ME!"

THE NATIONAL CANCER INSTITUTE
NCI-NIH
THE NATIONAL HEALTH INSTITUTE
Bethesda, MD
My home away from home. The patient building at the NIH. "Building 10". Where patients from all over the world travel to. It's a wonderfully enriching environment. The Doctor's, nurse's, staff, and patients are very friendly, and uplifting. I've met some very nice and inspiring individual's on my many trips to the institute.
The recent trip went well. I am happy to say; "there is no further sign of cancer progression". We are aware that there is a small, minute, amount of tumour left in my pelvis from the recent surgery; and, until it grows large enough for a ct scan to show a "measurable-sign" of disease... I am at on a "wait-and-see"... stance. I had another mole removed ~ via my request. I shall get those biopsy results in about 2 weeks. Otherwise... I wait. The good news: I did have the "right tumour cell markers" for a variety of treatment options. So, when it is time... I will be able to be treated by the NIH. That is always re-assuring.
I have come back home, with great HOPE. I have always believed that I had a greater purpose ~ I believe, that WE are all meant for a greater purpose. It just may not be visible to you or I now. You must always be willing to take a new approach and outlook on LIFE. You must always be looking for the inheritantly good in all. Staying optimistic, hopefull, and having faith ~ these are all attributes, that will help get you through your journey.
One small act of random kindess leads upon, to another, and yet another. I believe that You have the Power to influence a great vastness of people. Each and every one of us, is capable of making a difference in the live's of another.
I believe that you should:
"ASPIRE TO INSPIRE"
~make a concisous effort to obtain geniune happiness through your own beliefs of inspiration.
Use your talents and skills to help other's aspire within their lives.
You have the power to change, not only yourself... but each and every one of us.
This week, has taught me something very valuable. I have been thinking alot about the idea and concept of living with cancerous tumours that can spread at any time...
I was then thinking about the phrase that we all too often see and hear: "LIVING WITH CANCER"..
it boggled and bothered me... I just couldn't accept that phrase...
so, the more I thought about it... the more I came to realize...
"I'M NOT LIVING WITH CANCER; CANCER IS LIVING WITH ME!"
We are Living. Living and making a difference. I believe that you have the power to find your happiness. Seek what you Love and Enjoy doing. Stop waiting. Life is here, NOW.