Life Changes...

It goes without saying that today was a bit of an emotional road. I have quit a bit of things to accomplish before my chemo treatments. One on them is looking into getting myself a wig. So, I decided to stop by to see my hairstylist and ask her opinion... well, as you can see in the photo... she helped take it one step... further!
Wow. Wow. What a shock. I am no longer a blonde. I am a dark chocolate brown with a hint of glossy red. I'm not sure what to think... it's very different than what I am used to.
I had wanted to unifiy my hair color so that when the time came to cut it all off to send to locks of love ~ it would be a nice even shade.
I know that alot of changes are about to head my way... so, one one is just the start. I still need to decided on the color of my wig. So far, long blonde is in the lead... and I must say... I am still partial to this color. Although, change just may be in the future cards.
It also goes without saying... that today, I grieve for a loss. Not a loss of human nature. A loss of who and what I believed that I was... and/or who I became. The person that I identified myself with. The person that had worked so hard. Long and hard hours, days, months, and years to get to the position of my "career" status.
Today, that status's fate is sealed, in an envelope ready to go. An early retirment. Very early retirement at that. It's hard to let go. Hard to let go of a life that I once had. A life that I once began. A life that gave me identity. It gave me a greater sense of self and self accomplishment. It was ~ me.
Life changes... some are not ones that we really asked for or want. Who will I be? Who will I become? Who am I now? What do I identify myself with ~ in the here and now?
I am more than just a cancer patient ~ fighting a disease. I am more than an individual forced into early retirement because of ailment. I am more.
We all are ~ we just don't seem to know it ~ or know where we stand. Life changes are challenges.
So, for now ~ some changes, I can control. I changed my hair color and when I loose it all ~ I will change it again. Other things, I can not ~ loosing my job position, my hair, and the spread of my disease.
I can only do my best ~ to work with these challenges. To stay as focused and positive as I can. We all can ~ merely do our best. Nobody ever said that life was going to be easy. We take it for what it is ~ learn and grow ~ accept and face ~ that change is an important component that helps us get that much stronger in the end.
And, it's always nice to have bright shinning friends and faces by your side. I have to Thank Bob ~ with whom I work. He has gone out of his way numerous times to help me out throughout this process. He has stopped by the hospital just to say "hi" and taken me to the store just to get milk. All in all... in the end ~ it is these very kind gestures in humanity that bring about the best of change.
As he would say "you are the x and I am the o"
take care ~ all my friends
xo
PS It's not my time ~ I'm not going ~ Listen to the words in the video. Music has always helped me convey a greater sense of self; feelings and thought.