Let's Celebrate!

Another week gone, lost to the world of medical realm. It's often a slight challenge to get yourself used to a life and world that must permiate around medical attention and treatment. In and out of hospital's ~ on a whim, or often without prior notice, or very little notice at all.
My world is unlike any that I had ever expected to experience nor that I had ever thought that I would be experiencing. There is no guide book or rule's that help you deal with the constant struggles and changes in your life style. One minute you are feeling well, on top of the world; and the next, you are sicker than crap with your head in the toilet!
I've come to completely appreciate the finer side of life. And, although, when I do get to "come back" to "reality" I have a slight adjustment to make ~ with constant worries about the next "episode", I do the best I can ~ to make the most of what time I have.
My days and nights are all mixed up. I no longer work on a set schedule. My body is fighting a battle 24/7 ~ and often times, it just needs to rest, when IT says rest. I take the good moments with the bad, and vice versa, you see. I take upon NO pity. Ok... yeah, yeah.. sure, I have my incredible lapses and moments or reason ~ when I wonder why this life was given/chosen for me. But, overall, what has befallen and been bestowed upon me, has ultimatley helped grace me. It has given me strength in the eye's of adversity, and permitted my weakness, in times of need.
It's hard to believe, as I sit here now, finally at home on my living room couch, that I am a cancer patient, fighting ~ FIGHTING ~ for my LIFE. For me. Ok, I know, it's not that I am selfish; yes, I do this for many other greater reasons. For one, a wonderful daughter, who has been through the emotional brink that could cause any teenager great destruction.
She has held up tremendously well throughout these years. She is a strong girl and I would like to think that I had some role to play in that part! A girl who once knew a life with a family full of stability ~ has now come to know a world ~ and life, completely on her own. Through adversity, grows strength of character, and indeed, hers shines through.
My immediate family, which I am sure is mixed with ferver and emotion ~ constantly elicites dediction. There is never any falter or wavering. My mother has taken on the task ~ of not only grandmother ~ but, of "mom" in-situ and my aunt is "on-call" at a moments notice. My sister has so graciously extended a great life ~ for my daughter if I shall proceed ~ to death sooner than can be.
My friends ~ not only the friends that are nearest and dearest to me, but my online community ~ which has given me great time in the onset of diversity. Without this forum and realm and your continued loyalty ~ to read ~ I would be "lost" ~ indeed. My blogging journal has become a great mental aide. It has helped me learn to articulate thought without worry of reprocution ~ it has shown me, that regardless of the nature, of being; I can truly be me.
It is beginning to come in full focus. When I first started this blog, it had no rhymn or reason ~ but, justly so, I do now believe ~ that I have tapped into the glory of kindness from YOU ~ and for all to see.
I still can't believe... that I am sitting here at home, with a tumor mass which continous to grow in my pelvis, that continues to cause much pain. A tumor inside me. I now know that it is there. I can most certainly "feel" it whithin side me.
It is scary, knowing, that it is wrapped around so many major veins and nerves ~ I often wonder what other havick this craZy tumor will soon cause for me. But, I will not let worries overcome me.
I will take my pain med's and do the best I can... to live ~ normally.
It's funny how, today, while I was speaking with the lady in the room next to me ~ how much we tended to agree. On the outside ~ at this very moment ~ there is an excitment and stir for this years political race. One of the greatest in recent history. In the meanwhile ~ this great race, is lost to all the souls who are so desperately, fighting; fighting to hold on and save their lives, so vividly.
We, yes, are weak. We have our times and moments when we just need to grieve. We often get tired of hearing all the cheers and gibes of "Hope and Believe". It's an underlying concept of perceptual thought for all cancer patients. Now, don't get me wrong, we truly do love your support, but we often ask, that you simply understand: that to take a bad day as a grain of salt ~ is no easier than putting that grain of salt in an open wound.
So, yes, now that I am home ~ I will begin to take it slow, before I begin to "celebrate" the life that was given to me. I can't help but keep thinking ~ of my upcoming 40th birthday... it is supposed to be a great one time day ~ an ordeal of many sorts ~ and yet, I can't just but help praying to believe that I will be able simple to just be ~ ALIVE and well enough to enjoy the day ~ of all days.
For now ~ "Let's Celebrate" Life ~ let's take one day at a time ~ and give with goodness at heart and forgive with a graceness of someone not in need.
Good day/night my friends, you are forever with me.