The Great Unknown

Once again, it's very late and I am unable to sleep. Although, I am extremely tired, I am unable to fall into that peaceful slumber. I am now beginning to have some pain on my left side, opposite side of the stint placement, which is similiar to that which I started to feel several weeks ago ~ which started this mess. I am getting a bit concerened. I will try to keep worry and doubt out of the equation for now.
I had tried to ween myself off the harsh meds. I believe that combination of the anethesia and morphine are causing some severe nightmares and related depression issues. This same thing happened after my last surgery at the NIH, at which time I too had been pumped to the max with both drugs.
I honestly do not like the medicine makes me feel ~ I never have, that is why I prefer to do my best without it; mind over matter. I do tend to agree now... that at times, it is absolutely necessary. I never thought that I would hear myself say that.
My mind is so damn foggy ~ and unclear while on these meds. My thoughts are random, implusive, and often times, continually ongoing. It is enough to drive one mad. I'd imagine that this may be the reason that I am up at this very moment journaling my rambling midnight thoughts.
I have went from researching Nostradamos's ideas and concepts of the end of the world to researching related to the number 7 to bible versus. Several of the quotes which started all of this were: "the end of the world begins the year that the great seventh number is accomplished" to "forgive til 7 times...never to become weary of forgiving...7 times 7...or 70 times 70...{and} your respect for others will be your ticket to success".
My quest and thirst for knowledge has always enlightened and entertained me. My mind travels from thought to thought... without end. I often wonder where it will lead me? And speaking of this... the great unknown...the future...and what is in store: I had began to write down some of my thoughts at various times throughout the year ~ thoughts that I had hoped to work into a book.
My sister has suggested that I try to channel my time on something that I like and enjoy ~ and although wrighting is one of those things, she is very correct ~ you have to be in the right mind frame.
So, I think that for now; before all is lost and forgotten, I may just post what I have. I had printed it out and changed/edited much of it ~ unfortunately, that version has yet to be typed. I am sure, that without a doubt, at some point in time, I will finish one of great unknown's. Until then, I will leave you with my jumbled files of jibberish to read at your leisure ~ I am just going to copy and paste ~ and not bother to re-read... for I fear I may not disclose such a part of myself otherwise.
(this was written throughout many personal issues ~ it is my part of many thoughts ~ which is often times on of my greatest problems ~ the inability to focus)

The Great Unknown
written by Rebecca Luker

An Inspirational Journey:
Your plight for Life through
Cancer's Cure

Displaced and Distant

Cancer; healing You
A peariless journey

Healing You; Cancer, A Peariless Journey

helping yourself heal and deal with your cancer
healing yourself
killing the mental disease
taking control of your life's disease
taking control of your disease's life

the beloved caregiver: cause and effect;
emotional wreck

the heartfelt failings and strides,
a journey tried

Allow this to be your awakening.

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leave it to me... to save the file on an unliscensed product which has expired! I have printed it out ~ and will type this version tommorrow time permitted.

Sorry for any inconvience!

PS ~ the meds are starting to kick in... getting very sleepy... finally.

Have a Great Day Friends. Nite.

"there is something askew for me and you; Nostrodamus exclaimed and I proclaim, forgive one another, put dust under the cover" R. Luker

"How much of human life is lost in waiting?"