Lights out number 7???

Hello All! Ok ~ before I begin... LOL... I've got to remind you that I am sitting in the hospital bed with several different medical prescriptions in loop! :) ~ please excuse any unneccesary rambling, mispelled words, or strayed thoughts! Let's proceed!
I must say... I truly missed journaling throughout this week... I'm not sure what you may have got ~ it was a rough one indeed. I've got ALOT to say, once again, so this will be a long one... so, put on your slippers or take off your shoes... grab a nice cup of warm java... and let's get her started.

I wrote this last night at about 3 am while on a bout of a 22 hour "all nighter" ~ I'm not sure what drugs they are giving me here, but... I must say... crazy induced states of mind... have come my way :)

*The sixth floor of Aultman Hospital is my safe haven. One of my home away from hone's. Although, I must say, I am becoming quit accustomed to return and repeat trips to the local ER. I've come to realize that the "excrutiating" pain is a metamorphisis or catalyst which is triggered by a far greater "enigma"; as Dr. Krauss and many of my other referrals which include my oncologist, infectious disease team, urologist, and pathologist, tend to agree to disagree and conquer.
There was no solid evidence this time for the events which took place throughout the week. I became known simply, as, the "enigma". A medical mystery.
At the onset, I entered the ER with extreme pain in my right back and a slight reflection starting in my left back and a slight reflection starting on the opposing side. Without a doubt in my mind, it was my kidney. As well, there was blood present in my urine. A ct scan was perfomed and an additional ultra sound was ordered. Without a doubt my kidney was holding urine. Dr. Kraus did not believe that after such a short period of a time from the recent stint placement that it was possible to be blocked or misplaced. All scans confirmed his thoughts. The bloodwork had increased in levels of kreatin throughout the week; which basically means that this is evidence the kideny wasn't draining properly. However, I was urinating quite well. The primary urine tests initially showed infection/bacteria.
The first night at the er was a disaster! A spawn that set the week to spin uncontrollably into chaos.
I informed the er that I had just taken some morphine and had a lydacain patch on my back, an anesthetic used to help eliviate pain. I was then administred a drug 2xs more powerful called dilatin (ps... my spellings of all med's are basically, probably wrong.. sorry, please bear with me) I was then given shortly after a second injection of the same pain med. The pain was subsiding but not well enough to convince the er doc on call. I was then given "fergusen" which is used as an antinausea with a sedative property. As it was slowly being explained to me while it was being put through my iv line... I no sooner heard these words "sedative"... and it was "lights out". My momsaid that I was released from the er and sent home with a prescription fro antibiotics. However, I was in absolutely NO condition to respond to her attempts to get me dressed and get me home. Home, which ideally is only 1 block from the hospital. Convienent at times indeed. Regardless, this was a task in and of itself from my mom. She said I was unresponsive and my legs were dead weight; she equated me that evening to a woman who was on a great drunken binge for the night.
(She is soooo modest when writing her posts)
After much effort, she got me dresed and put in a wheelchair. It was apparently a cold, rainy night (which at this point I was completely oblivious too!) She had to leave me in the rain in the wheelchair while she went to revtrieve the van, as a securtiy guard watched from inside. Finally, he came to help my mom get me in the van and my mother was successful in getting me home and in bed safely. I slept nearly 10 straight dead hours ~ unaware of the evenings events.
I then had an apt. with my urologist when I woke at which time he and my oncologist concluded it would be best to admit me. My blood work and systems of low pressure were of great concern. I was put on the fourth floor (which ironically enough does not specialize in cancer/oncology care)
Merely because I needed a heart monitor and the oncology floor on sixth had none ~ I had to be admitted to the floor from hell.
My days there, in the small dark, deep blue cubicle room, which was no more than 15 x 10 gave way to unbearable events. I was ready for it all to end.
I was first given antibiotics, which I forgot to mention, I vomitted in the er the previous night. The zophran, which is supposed to stop or help elimated nausea and vomiting did not work by any means. I requested another antibiotic but it wasn't switched and bag after bag, day after day, I continued to increasingly excrete the iv meds ~ it was truly a nightmare. My stomach was unsettled and unrested. My nurses would not attend to my calls, often for 20-45 minutes. AT this point my head was spinning, my stomach was churning and the pain... well the pain was a mere backdrop at this point. Not to mention, the increased pressure and pain from the growth of my tumour in the pelvis (oooohhh, had I completely forgeten I had cancer at this time?)
I had had enough. This was NO WAY to live.
I decided to QUIT , yes Quit ALL meds. Cold Turkey. For two days, NO DRUGS what so ever.
My stomach began to settle and my urine samples were "clean" from bacteria and indecisive and inconclusive of infectious disease.
I am a great believer in the power of the mind ~ to help hela and divert attention from pain. My recent new home therapies of 4-6 sea salt warm baths and peace and quiet silence ~ mediation ~ helped distract the tougher pain through the warmth of the water which acted as an anesthetic "patch" to my pain.
Unfortunately only medicine is availible in a hospital and indeed frequently and mainly used as a means to control pain. I believed I was over medicated and not only that, but given antibiotics which increased the nausea ~ and caused the emition/void of all med's. (ironically, my food was substained)
This week I've learned alot. You have to take control of your own health care, truly be your own advocate. It's funny how, several days after I quit the meds and began to feel better, the docs began to state that once "they quite" the antibiotics and meds, things seemed better.... (umm... hummm... wasn't that my "self-prescription")
Regardless, the enigma reamins. My kidney still would not drain. The urologist does not believe that the placement of the new larger stint will solve the problem. He believes that if this does not work a permanent outside bag/drain will need to be placed on my back through the kidneys. It will be a life changing event; one, which I am unprepared or am ready and convinced to committ myself to.
I've carried heavy emotional burden throughout the week, which I am verbalizing to my mother ~ and I know ~ are very difficult to hear and ones which she does not want to contemplate. She believes that there is always Hope and that I should continue to believe; and, its difficult at times to convince her ~ to see, that I truly do, believe. Yet, at times the misery is overwhelming by the moment and the truth of the events. I am on a spiral ~ which may seriously proceed and as my oncologist exclaimed, "you are slowly going downhill".
~without a doubt, from many true life stories of cancer survivors, patients, and caregivers... the true life events ~ my Truth of the inevitable ~ death ~ and the end , lurks; constantly from beyond.
But, indeed as someone whom I admire and who is dear to me stated, "keep fighting it... they are all wrong... paradise awaits you".
There is a battle which may be won.
Livestrong ~ Fight stronger
My newest motto from all these events; which, by the way has helped me continue to develop and inspire my idea, concept, and goal of creating a fund to build two hospice style resort retreats for cancer patients, family, and friends. One on the beach... all rooms with a view and a balcony, fully equipped for all of a cancer patients needs and one by the mountains... all rooms cabin style with a porch and swing with a view of nature's beauty, splendor and glory.
The idea is simple ~ and incorporates much of what I have heard many say: "I wish would wouldn't have spent all that time in the hospital bed... I wish we could have went to the beach or the mountains"... Simple idea... which will take great big bucks to accomplish and extend... to all terminal cancer patients; who are like me, who would like to enjoy the beach, yet, still need to be given treatments/iv's/temps checked, etc.. etc... The family could stay as an all inclusive: vacation/resort/retreat/hospice style place ~ (and naturally with a pool shaped in the form of a cancer ribbon) Time can be spend together ~ while making memories and dreams.
Always, the ideas ~ yet so little time to truly work ~ the "magic" work on the greater issue of a Humanatarian nature. I am absolutely, always welcome and open to any and all suggestions for help and aide in helping make this ~ my dream, or "legacy", a reality.
I would love to reach Lance Armstrong and his foundation to ask for permission to use my newest motto as a logo to put on not just yellow cancer bands... but all... the rainbow of colors that cancer emuates. To also put on t-shirts, socks, etc... to sell to help begin to raise the money for this grave endeveaour.
I would also love to reach Oprah, because, you know... without a doubt, she is #1!

Any and all outreach or help would greatly and fondly be appreciated. It would mean the world to me. Its a mountain to climb... that unfortunately, due to extended hospital stays... I am unable to divert full attention to. But, I give you my word... and promise that I am a determined gal... and I will fight this beast to win! and help others in the midst of their pain~

*******
Ominniscent Reflection
of patient, family, and friend
retreating to a haven of glory
which will electrigfy the end ~
Rebecca Luker
Terminal Cancer Patient, with family, and friends ~ who, in the room on the sixth floor of Aultman Hospital began to gain more insight to the importance and greater meaning of life... to spend "comfortable" retreat ~ to release ~ to get way to Zen ~

I Love You all
May your heart be full of solace

The Power of: YOU reflects from within ~ release and radiate ~ shine, as the star which you are. "The illuninating light and beauty of the Eiffel Tower at night"
That is who YOU are. An incredible sight... "aspire to see". R.L.

Late Addition:
I have started on my quest. I have written to Oprah, Lance Armstrong, and Mel Robbins of Make if Happen.
I would greatly appreciate any help at all, with my plight. Sending letters of support powered by YOU would greatly be appreciated!
If you are a blogger, help spread the word!!! Link other's to my world...
Thank you all!!!