chemo is running through me now.....

today's thoughts, expressions, and views are being brought to you by ME! So much has been lost in translation... so much time has passed since I have written ~ as you can imagine, much was left unsaid. While in the midst of taking a "break ~ away" from cancer, I became ill for several days. Basically, I just lost alot of sleep time and was very week and too tired to truly want to do anything.
This past sunday evening at about 1 am ~ I began to vomitt profusely throughout the night. (a major concern considering I was attempting to gain weight for this treatmetl } I ended up in my local hopital's er ~ I had noticed that I had basically all but depleted my morhpine supply through excretions. The pain became so completely untolerable; which yields to further problems within the boday that began to spiral out of contrl. I was given 10 ml of IV morphine within a two hour spand *whick is basically a sign of just how bad my body was feeling without* severe pain leads to nausea...and then to vomitting... a vicous cycle. I was then given a shot of zophran (which helps to control the feelings of nasea)
I was then realised and send home. During which, at this point, I had lost about 5lbs. So, I called the NIH to find out what their plan of action was with this little set back. They said... get on that plane and we will take care of you... and we will find out what is wrong. All Ct and Mri scans came back basically the same : 1 expection, that tumour has grown slighly, but this was to be expected. The wonderful news, it has not been spread to any major organs.
In a very weak, light headed, and dizzy state, I took their advice and here I am.
Here I am 1 hour prior to my first chemo injections sitting on my bed, wrighting to you in grave anticipation, and frought with complete anxiety.
It is an hour long infusion ~ along with many any meds ~ to help stabalize the blader which will aid in getting the chemo out of my body. Lasix ~ to help get rid of a lot of water retention throught my body.

You'll have to excuse me, I was given antivan ~ its for anxiety and nausea ~ as well, the zophran is running again.
My thoughts may be a bit jungled, please bear with.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I did get my permanet port line put in my upper right chest ~ it is stitched to my colar bone and is realy hurting! crazy place for that! As well, I have an antinausea patch behind my ear, and a slew of other drugs that may be used just in case these don't. Also,,, I have recently started a pain medicine patch (natrually a narcotic) on my upper right arml~ it gets changed every 72 hours. It's much better than worrying about taking morphine orally by mouth every two...and given the crazy drowsey side effects... this Fentanyl patch works quit well.
The pain managment team has been in... they are going to order me a bracelet to wear ~ as well, a massage and massage therapy chair (to be used when I'm feeling much better)
The time is actually here. I have about 6 bags of stuff running through my poor little body!!!!
Cells are on a "go" status.
I've got to believe that this is the Big One. The one which will kick melanoma in its ass. I am ready to move on with my life~
Oh, I forgot to mention... Jacque from pain management wants me to interview his students/viceversa about bedside manners/mannersim... he is teaching Dr.s to not only treat the diseas but the human being as well. I completely agree!!! One good deed at a time.

You have all amazed me!!! Please forgive me a head of time ~ if I'm not feeling so wel to speak or converse for long periods of time.... I may be an on-looking... sharing the great effort. I sooo do look forward to meeting more of you and putting a face with a name.
ok hhavong a bit of trouble... may need to say my good-bye's for now...
You are all berry blessed and unique ~ Such wonderful people. Keep up your own fight ~ and hopefully someday I will be able to help return a favor. (lets hope it will be on a much better note!!!)

PS... I was wondering if anyone had any nice scarves that I may used? or catalogues online so that I may order some and have them shipped here to me... because I only two winter hats... (and that's not going to cut it~) lol...
I want to look pretty...oh, so pretty...
Take Care Love Becky