The Power of: YOU... shines through.

Thank you all for your wonderful posts :)

Your spirit shines through...

You have all been such a great "cheer-squad"! Although there has been much pain recently ~ you held steadfast and strong. It means a great deal to me and I want to take the time to Thank you ~ in all sincerity.

I have had alot on my mind lately, since the news ~ that I would be spending Christmas at the NIH. I was thinking... "Chemo for Christmas"
what a gift, but, I know that there is an underlying and greater gift ~ of life ~ if this treatment works. I am praying for my miracle ~ my cure.
This treatment is extremely important, as many of you are aware. It is basically the only treatment with a 50-50 chance... other treatments are 20% at best.
I'm not going to let the numbers, figures, and stats interfere with my path, course, and regiment. I am here, now, at the NIH. They have taken my bloodwork ~ and in the early am I will have my aphoresis. I am still waiting to see the Dr. this evening as I have many questions and concerns.
It is hard to believe that I will be here for the entire month of December. I have asked everyone to please help decorate my room ~ for Christmas. I want it to be a "feastavous miracle" ~ I want Christmas spirit and cheer all around. My mom has informed me that she is going to bake christmas cookies at the lodge. She plans on giving them out to everyone!!!
It will most definately be a different kind of Christmas ~ one to be remembered. It will also be my daughter's sweet 16. Her and I are both saddened by the fact that we won't be able to be together to celebrate this day. However, I did tell her, that I plan on fighting this so that we may share her 16th and my 40th birthday ~ together.
She woke up in the middle of the night, several nights ago... and send me this message:
she opened her eyes
and was on a cloud
a man appeared
and said aloud
you've lived a life
once so beautiful
yet so strong
take my hand
no fear allowed
no tears to shred
or pain to feel
just love and happiness
for all eternity
while many on earth
may cry and shout
you shall be safe
from all no doubt
for you are here
to be adored
by all you see
now through eternity
withoug a doubt
your always fighting
and I love you for that
stay who you are
not just for me
but for god you'll see
we love you for who you are
that woman you are
that mother you are
that beautiful soul
and loving heart
no matter what
you will always be
~My Mother~
~I Love You~
prayin 4 her

We have sat and discussed many of our fears. We have had many quiet and emotional moments. She remembered a time, when she was younger, when I got sick and she took care of me ~ she feed me grapes. For some odd reason, both of us remember and cheerish some of the simpliest days. I assured her that she could come be by my side at the NIH during her Christmas break... and that she could once again, come feed me those grapes.

It's odd how, in one's life, some of the greatest pleasures have come from remedial things. Pleasure and joy ~ simply can not be bought. Throughout the course of this journey, I have completely learned ~ that even though money is a necessity to live ~ it is not what ultimately buys us happiness. It's not that I really ever believed this theory ~ but, I can see how ~ during certain courses and periods of time, within my life ~ I thought and believed ~ I had a greater financial need. I wanted money ~ to make me happy. I'm not sure when and where I tended to stray... just a little bit ~ off the beaten path ~ but, in all honesty... I have been happy ~ without.
It's what you make of yourself and life ~ that truly counts and memories are not something that can be bought. Finding the greatest of pleasure in the people who surround you ~ now that ~ is truly worth far more than gold itself.

Let yourself shine through in all that you do.