Where does my heart lie? ~somewhere between here and there~

I think that it is finally time to change to direction of my thought of my postings. I feel so much better... almost "freed"... if that makes any sense?! I don't think it was that I was trying to be something that I am not ~ because, I wasn't. I am, by far... a very strong individual. Ok, so, you want me to say "woman" ... lol... so be it. I AM. I am damit... and I'm tired of hearing that I need to be more positive. My god, how much more positive can I be? I mean... take a look at me?!!! Have you read my posts? Have you gotten the vibe? Ok, so, surely, family and friends could and should understand that there is a very difficult part of life, that I am trying to deal with here. I mean... aren't they supposed to be the one's of ALL... if any... to understand. To listen... and UNDERSTAND. Quit telling me... that I am morbid...I can live for another 20 years... my cells can reverse themselves...miracles can happen, etc...etc... "blah-blah-yah-yah"...
I GOT the picture. I'm NOT being morbid. PERIOD. I am being REALISTIC. When a Doctor tells you that you have a 50-50 chance, you are "high-risk", etc. etc.. you've got to learn to ACCEPT. PERIOD. That is it. Plain and simple. I don't want to hear... "think positive"... "you will outlive them all"... "you will be the one"... but then again, on the other hand... I don't want doom and gloom. Please... just LISTEN to what I am trying to discuss with you. Listen to what I am saying.
I have been doing alot of reading. ALOT. I've taken in quit a bit from many other's perceptions and perspectives. Yes, mainly cancer patients; naturally. The consensus... "we"; I'll refer "us...cancer patient's herein as "we"... tend to be a bid "picky, finacky, fickle"... whatever else you may want to call it. Tempermental? perhaps... we have alot on our plates. Yes, honestly... we don't want to hear the mumble jumble bs... it's goina' be alright...your going to be ok...your going to outlive us all...your cells can do this...your body can do that...WE KNOW. WE KNOW. We know. We have heard it all and read it all. Well, ok... metaphorically speaking. Of course, you didn't think, literally so, now, did you?!
Thank you for the last two posts... they very well, may have taken this blog into a completely different realm... the realm of the "REAL"... the realm... where, truth be told..."we"... have alot to say. Alot that we don't say... because... well... to tell you the truth... WE can't. Your not LISTENING. Dam, I wish I could broadcast my thoughts as I write... you just don't get the asthetics!!! Even if I did... my articulation... would stink!!!
So, oh, where was I ~ in my train of "thought"... hmmm... ahh... yes... somewhere between here and there ~ Thanks Johnny... it looks as though you are having a GREAT TIME. LIVE IT UP!!! (Do what you want to do. Do for yourself. Live for today.) I wish we could all live up to this motto. Why do we hold back? Why do we seek the approval of others? Why don't we just enjoy ~ what we like?
So, my heart lies somewhere between the Atlantic and the Pacific. The photo that I posted, along with a recent e-mail from my Brazilian Family requesting I come visit ~ (which they have been trying to get me to do for over 20 years now) ~ got me thinking...
The photo reminded me of Sao Paulo... beautiful. I love the ocean. The sea. The breeze. The sun. The warmth. The spirit of nature and all it's glory. The peaceful calm. It is a solace to my soul. It is now, what drives me. Drives me to the attainment as what; Dr. Randy Pausch states: "living your childhood dreams" ~
My heart lies therein. My cancer diagnosis has brought me closer and closer to this realization. I am drawn. I will no longer be thwarted thoughts of worry and discouragement.
I'd imagine, that The Power of: YOU ~ was really meant, to be; a means of realize. A way to open yourself ~ and to find where your heart lies. I'm glad that Johnny is at peace. ENJOY, each and every moment; and for all the "nay-sayers"... LIFE must go on! After all, it is OUR LIFE. Our one an only life, and if, for some odd reason, cancer has helped us realize that we need to truly learn to live... SO BE IT!!! LIVE ON!!! ~take those with you, who care; see and believe; and leave all other's (dare I say "crabs" behind) ~ lol...yes, I'm laughing...