Mercy Me ~ I can only imagine

I was sitting outside tonight ~ with my daughter, at the beach resort ~ at the karaoke tiki bar...
it brought back so many vivid memories... and yet, in the same token... a renewed sense of self...

As a little girl began to sing this song "I can only imagine" by Mercy Me...(utube click on right, bottom one)
the tears began to swell...

Quit an emotional moment. One of those moments in time, similiar to that of "peace" ~ a peaceful reflection, of life beyond.

I can honestly, only imagine, what it will be like...

what will my heart feel...
will I stand in your presence?
I can only imagine...

Have you grace me with your glory?
Have you I honored you? Have I worshiped you?

Do I deserve your grace?

What will I see?
What will it be like?

Will I walk by your side?
What will my eyes see?

When your face is before me ~ I will be honored by your glory...

Will I dance for you Jesus?

Will I sing "alleluia"...

Oh, I can only imagine...

When that day comes...
and I find myself standing in the sun...

as I stand now... in the sun...
in the honor of your presence..

on this earth...
in this heaven...

What will my heart feel?

What will my family and friends feel?

Will you bring comfort to their hearts and souls? ~

I can only imagine...
I can only believe...

All that we can only do... is forever worship you.

~it is a beautiful evening here ~ very delightful and pleasant.
My daughter was going to sing her first karaoke song for me... but, unfortunately...it was closing time...

Such a wonderful experience...
outside, under the stars...
with the ocean in view...

Life, can not get any better than this. It truly is the littliest of gestures and the simplier intricacies in life; that mean the most and are cheerished the greatest.

Live your life; one day at a time... enjoying the glory of his grace...
sing alleluia and dance...

for, you can only imagine...

Peace...

There is calm in the eye of the storm...

~There is always a reflective moment, at a random moment, in time.

It is that unknown, unplanned moment in a day, when you are at peace with yourself and one with the world. And although, you may be in the middle of turmoil; or the "eye of the storm" ~ you are calm.
It is this peaceful moment that helps you surrender. Your inhibitions are let go... and become free.

*I have a wonderful friend who recently expressed gratitude ~ through many of our adversities; there is light ~ and it is within this light ~ in the eye of the strom ~ that we find our peace.

Nothing can sum it up any better than in Eckart Toole's book: Awakening to your life's purpose. He simply states;
"See the fullness of life all around you. The warmth of the sun on your skin, the display of magnificent flowers outside a florist's shop, biting into a succulent fruit, or getting soaked in an abundance of water falling from the sky. The fullness of life is ther at every step... let it flow out..."

Learning to live your life, to the fullest, and finding your peace in the eye of the storm... now, that is an energy flow full of abundance.

Enjoy your finer moments and enjoy your inner peace.

Long Life...

HI! Yes, I've been playing around with my camera, again! I was trying to get some fun shots of the necklace that my aunt gave to me...

it is supposed to mean "Long Life"...

I simply had to post the photo of myself, because I was feeling quit "chipper"! :)
I let my hair down, started pressing the button on camera... and got a great fun shot!

I am looking forward to a GREAT LONG LIFE!

I am living... and loving every moment.

~that's all I wanted to post for now! Just wanted to let you all know, that I am doing well. Overall, feeling fine ~ feeling well ~ and am in Excellent Spirits!!!
************************************************************************
Still contemplating many of my future options...

*I am eating a carmel apple ~ WOW ~ tastes wonderful. There is sooo much good in this life to enjoy... if we simply take the time.

~Some of my reader's have sent some private e-mails... and I just wanted to let you know... that I will be making this blogsite into a journal of memoirs. Thank You so much for your encouraging words. It will absolutely be a wonderful way to preserve my thoughts for my family and friends.
~I would also like to make sure, that I have the permission of all; who have either been posted or talked about; to be included in my book. As well, I may contain an area at the end of the book for private e-mail/correspodences, dating back... (I thought that this might be nice to preserve for my family/daughter)
If there is anyone, who truly, would not like to be included, please don't hesitate to send me a message. I respect the privacy of all.
~I will be sure to inform everyone when I finish with this endeavor. I have started on it... but, it proves to be quite time-consuming!!! Please bear with me. Thank for your patience!

Love,
Becky

Take time to allow someone else to smell the roses...

I must say... that yesterday... the act of one random gentlemen, made my day.

I was waiting in line; and you know how you often get impatient? Well... that was me... I began to feel myself getting irritated and a bit edgy... I found myself looking around and scooping out all the other lines... I began to assess... as we all do... and was getting ready to make my move... when... it hit me. I realized... that it really wouldn't matter... this line, that line... etc... each and everyone one of us... must wait our turn... before we are attended to.
Where does this impatience come from? My thoughts continued to proceed... and I began to realize... that I needed to to give everyone their chance. In the end... it was well worth the wait. The gentlemen in front of me... had two extra savings coupons which he proceeded to hand on to myself and the lady behind me.
I thanked him and wished his family a wonderful day. I also made mention to the woman behind me, that it was a wonderful thought and deed.

Not only did this gentlemen take the time, to do something nice; so too, did another...

An elder gentelmen's car had broken down... and a young boy... ran out of his car to help. He helped pushed the elder's car off to the side...
I felt compelled to Thank the the young boy...

My daughter was in the car at the time... and thought that I was crazy.

I am sure, that many other's may have believed so, as well. But, it is... these very random acts that are within The Power of: YOU that truly can and do make a difference.

We have become soo wrapped in our days... and with the concept of time. I am learning to realize... that we all need to just learn to s.l.o.w. down ... just a bit. To relax... and take our time... and not worry so much about the concept of time.
Yes, I understand, admitably; that time, is important. We all have appointments to keep... errands to run... kids to take here and there... work, etc... and the list goes on and on...
Very stressful indeed.

I had begun to think about this more, as the day continued on... the concept of time... and how we are so caught up with it... that we loose track and thought of anything but....

I also began to think about Dr. Randy Paush's message...

He was a pioneer... in thought. Indeed. Simple message.
I believe as well... that mine too... is simple.
To just take time. Take the time to find it within yourself to help another. One person a day... regardless if it is a quick smile and glance, a short conversation, or a greater deed.
You will be amazed at the difference that it will make in your tempermant for the day. The Power of: YOU is an aid. It can, and I firmly do believe, it can... help heal.
Even if it is just to help release someone's stressful day... or beyond...
take the few moments to simply make a change. To make a differnce.
Slow yourself down... for a few moments... in time.

Selfish Thought!!!

Where do I even begin this evening? ~ I have an incredible amount of energy and thought these days... I honestly don't know what to attribute it too...
Although, I am not getting much sleep ~ I am feeling well rested ~ yet, full of an abundance of wrestless energy. I've got soooo many ideas... and soooo many things that I want to do...
I don't know if it is because of the deep seeded rootful thought of the possibly limited time that I may have... or perhaps just the simple concept of an awakening to life.
WE have so many choices in life. So many decisions... which way do we go?
So many times, I find, that people aren't happy with themselves and with their life, and career choice.
I can say... that I was content with mine. I was, to say the least, extremely happy. I had a good job, a nice home, a wonderful family, and an honest and decent husband.
So, what happened? Did I, myself become uncontend? Unhappy with my life's choices?
Is it enough ~ so, that I could warrant the branding "selfish"?
This word seems to keep popping up these days ~ within my personal realm. I am told, that I "selfish" ... either, for my behavior or future plans.
It is, without a doubt; beginning to push me away... further and further.
At this point, in my life... I just want some Peace and Understanding. I'm not asking for sympathy or empathy; just mere understading... a relation to my personal thoughts.
If it is in The Power of: YOU ~ that you wholeheartidly believe in ~ you would have an understanding and support for other's. Regardless of what personal impact it may have in regards to YOU. Now, I ask ~ is this not in turn... what can be construded as "selfishness" in turn?
The Power of: YOU ~ is meant to help ~ not meant to aim ~ and thwart ~ negative thought and emotion.
In essence ~ yes, to some greater extent; we are all: at the mercy of our own egotic state.
So, what's the point of this evening's cyriptic message?
I am ~ who I am. I am as you see me to be; in your own eyes. I am nothing more or nothing less. I have valid feelings and emotions ~ that are, yes... extremely hightened; and often released.
I am a sensible, yet reckless being. I am strong and yet weak. I am a believer in the ultimate ~ thought ~ that everything has it's purpose and being.
I am a dreamer. I am a lover. I am one with nature. I am one with peace. I am a mother. I am resiliant and submissive. I am forgiving and forgetful. I am compassionate ~ yet bleak. I am hopeful and sorrowful. I am good and bad.
The point is... this IS me. The Ying and the Yang.
I know what I want out of life... that will not change... that, is not "selfishness"
That is my reality. That is my dream. That is my goal. That is my challenge. That is what I will pursue.
I have never felt so much resistance in all my life. But, regardless... it is only making me that much stronger... and not weak!
I will continue to explore my life and the greater possibilites within in.
I will shine ~ through ~
I know, that many of YOU ~ do believe. You do believe in the Power ~ and the guidance.
It signifies ~ change. It is dignity, in my wing.
My exploration ~ took plight ~ because of your beliefs. Your positive thoughts of power and prayer.
My awakening, continues to be an introspection of ~ self.
I LOVE what I see.
I have so many of you to thank ~ who believe in the absolute Power of: YOU.
You know who you are. You are beyond my shinning stars. You are my outreach and in turn... I become that for someone else, in need.
*******************************************************************************
~ alright, so, I went off on a tangent, that I honestly didn't even originally plan on posting...
I know that alot of my thoughts seemed jumbled and mixed or confused... or better yet, confusing... but, because they are personally related to me... in some manner of form... I try to do my best... to be somewhat discrete.
I have so many thoughts about so many topics... so much to yet do and say... yet, an unseemingly limited amount of time ~ to accomplish them all.
So, I must begin to prioritize... something, that I am working on..
In the meantime... in the world of cancer... I have gotten an appointment at the Hillman Cancer Center. It is scheduled after my appointment with the NIH in mid September. Wow, where has the time gone? ~ I can't believe that it is almost fall.
Anyway... I am quit busy these days... researching... my alternatives... therapies, approaches to life and treatment ~
it's daunting how much information is out there... yet, is not truly ~ "publically" availible.
A few things I've learned this week:
~for a good cleansing... add some lemon to your "natural water"
~don't drink the tap water... full of contaments!!!
~fruits, veggies... full of pesticides!!! (wash, wash, wash)
~buy organic ~(make sure it says: CERTIFIED organic, otherwise, it's NOT.)
~seek alternative methods to aid in your health and healing: ie: metaphysical; yoga, massage, accupunture, aromatherapy, colortherapy, natural wheats and greens, mind-body exploration...
There is a wealth of information out there... it is incredible. We are doing nothing more, than killing ourselves... with all the preservatives, meat, pesticides, etc... that we put in our bodies and in our daily lives... stress... is a killer.
I can't believe that I never took heed to actually living a truly healthier lifestyle.
I do welcome any and all suggestions and thoughts... new information... etc... I love it all...
Today, was the first day that I have ever heard of another natural aide: "paw paw" ~that is next on my list...to study!!!
~it's once again gettting late... and I am sure... that I am beginning to diverge...
my late night thoughts... are only but a few...
I will bid you good-night, or good-day...
~continue to believe in yourself... and seek out other's who... believe in you too.

A New Awakening...

I'm working on my new awakening... awakening in life... with life... (my new sense of self)
I'm learning and living. What more can anyone ask of themselves?

There is no particular answer book for any of us... for any of our dilemna's and problems. We can only live in the here and now... and try to do the best with ourselves and relations with other's.

At times, it becomes neceassary to evalute certain events and situations; and see themn for what they truly are. Not an easy task; especially when one is "emotionally" involved and charged.

Without a doubt, my continued belief in The Power of: YOU ~ holds steadfast. I do believe that you ultimatley can affect the life of another. Moreso, I believe for the good, rather than the bad.

I don't believe that anyone intentionally sets out to hurt another ~ but, it truly does happen. We wouldn't be human without the power of emotion and feelings. We would in essence... be a rock. A solid mass form...

We are intricate beings... complex and simple.

We can change the outcome of someone's day... with very little more or less than a few words or gestures.

Unselfishness is an act of gratitude. It is unthought or planned. It just is... it is, what it is... a random act of kindness out of the heart of a true, caring person.

Selfishness is an act that is, in essence, pre-meditated. An awareness of oneself... as superior to another. Selphishness, is the opposite of unselfishness... which does not reflect in The Power of: YOU ~ to make change. Not only within and of yourself, but with other's as well.

Unfortunately, as humans, we take many emotions to heart. And, perhaps, we allow those emotions to carry into effect ~ in our relationships with others. Its ego's defense.

A new awakening can only happen when we see ourselves, "our ego's" for what they truly are.

Yes, I have been reading Eckhart Tole's "Awakening to Your Life's Purpose"...

A very profound and intense read. Not to be taken lightly. To be ingested slowly... and with ease.

Naturally, it's hard to take a look at oneself from the outside in, or vice versa.

What do YOU stand for? What do YOU believe?

~this is just a bit of my rambling mind, this eve... (yes, some personal issues play a role ~ hey, I'm only human...)

*so, on another thought and note: (in relation to disease control) "According to the Journal of American Medical Association, medical treatment is the third-leading cause fo death after heart disease and cancer in the United States...

~Wow~ think about that...

Eckart Toole states that "Homeopathy and Chines medicine are two examples of possible alternative approaches to disease that do not treat the illness as an enemy and therefore do not create new diseases"... "The war against disease has given us, amongst other things, antibiotices... [and], that the widespread and indsicriminate use of antibiotics has created a time bomb and that antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria, will in all likelihood bring about a reemergences of those diseases and possibly epidemics."

he continues to state that "war is a mind-set...[which ultimately] will either strenghten the enemy, the perceived evil, or if the war is won, will create a new enemy..."

~yes... the thought of chemo treatments continue to haunt me. I do not see good in completely taking out and whipping the bodies naturall immune system, only to feed it cells to try and help boost the immune system and destroy cancer cells; let alone, destroy good cells in the process...

the more I read... the more information that is out there... I questioned the position of my upcoming treatments.

I've got to believe that our body has a more "natural" way-approach to fight off the illness. One, which will not strenghten or destroy the enemy...thus, creating a new one.

That's my late night mindless retoric for this evening...
There's always some nonsense going on in that brain of mine!!! LOL...

Continue to keep The Power of: YOU alive and well.

PS... Greg, I sincerely look forward to sharing those three cups of tea.
Sending my Love to All

Golph Tour helps Raise Melanoma Awareness

Hi Becky I wanted to make sure you could see a picture of your story! Thanks so much in taking part of this event, you caught the eye of many of the golfers, and helped educate over 100+ people in this awareness event, so we thank you for your story. It was a successful day, and these stories made this so much more "real" to the players as they walked along and read how melanoma is affecting so many. Take pride in doing your part! Sending you healing hugs and many years of wellnessIn friendship~ JaneTHANKS!!!!

Jane: www.mpip.org (link can be accessed at the right side of page)



I am at it again! Trying to Raise Awareness about Melanoma. It's exilerhating to know, that I may actually be helping make a difference. It's a great feeling; knowing that some good may come from all of this. Not only am I participating in clinical trials and giving blood for studies, but I am as well... reaching out ~
Helping to Raise an Awareness about Melanoma. Bless all of those who have helped make this possible. Bless all who are warriors, survivors, caregivers, and beareaved.

We are making a difference! One story at a time. As I once mentioned in an earlier post; metasize like wildfire ~ get the word out there ~ let it spread ~ to help save lives.

Don't forget to continue to check your body for any changes in your moles/freckles. Also, be sure to watch for any new growths that may never have been there before. Check from head to toe and everywhere in between. Melanoma hides... and grows. If your unsure about something...don't second guess...get it checked. Be persistant! It is better to be safe than sorry. Insist on having a biopsy. Having a punch biopsy is seemingly painless...and is your first step to detection. An early dermatologist appointment can make the difference; literally, between life and death.

Man, what's going on?!!!

I guess you could say... I've been doing a bit of reminiscing these days. Taking a look back at my stored digital photo's. I must say, I LOVE finding the ones with my daughter happy, smiling, and with the wind blowing her hair in her face. There's something to say to life in action and motion.
The photo depicts the best of everything that I cherish the most. My daughter, first and foremost, the sea/ocean/lake, and the great outdoors/nature. Give me a small shack by the beach with a hammock, and I will die happy! :)
The photo was taken at Cedar Point Amuseument Park in Sandusky Ohio. My ALL TIME FAVORITE place for thrill rides galore! Man, what's going on here?!!! I haven't even made it there once this year. I ALWAYS get there at LEAST once, if not two or three times a season. There is something about the thrill of the adrenaline ~ the rush ~ of being on "top of the world" ~ if only for a brief moment or two. It's an incredible feeling. It's an awesome sight. You can see the water for miles in every direction when you are at the peak of a roller coaster.
So many changes. So many decisions. Life has thrown me for a curve! But, hey, I'm not complaining. In all actuality, I'm glad. I'm really glad. It has made me awaken. It has made me see that life is for the living ~ and that we should make the best and most of it. We should learn to conquer our fears. We should overcome our greatest obstacles. We should livestrong and learn from our failures and mistakes.
It's been very difficult coming to grips with alot. I believe that I worked very hard to get the point where I was at in my life, prior to cancer. I was just finally "getting it together". I worked hard 8 years to obtain a career status at my job. I was determined and motivated! Wow, ~ and for the person who simply enjoys the outdoors ~ to actually be able to work outside and get paid for it ~ what more could you ask for in life? Fresh air and exercise on a daily basis.
I do believe, that the time has come; an end to an era. A brief, one at that. No sooner, did I start my job ~ only to set sail into the horizon of change. I'm not sure, what is next. My oncologist is pretty insistant on putting me complete disability. Too many factors for me to weigh at the current moment with my health issue.
I honestly don't believe that I am ready to "give it up" ~ give up a life of what I consider: normalacy and consistancy. Not that, the life that I am now living isn't "normal" per-say; but, in a different way. I am adjusting to my new routines... dr.s visits, traveling, scans, treatments, anticipation and anxiety over results, etc... etc...
When your world is turned upside down ~ and topsy turvy... well, it tends to make you reflect and remanise. I'm ready for change ~ I'd imagine. I've got a great deal to contemplate. It may be nearing a point where a major change in life's "normalicy" may take place.
We are all, somewhat, in controlling of our lives. We make decisions on a daily basis that inadvertantly effect not only ourselve, but other's. And, when you begin to see the "bigger" picture ~ it gets that much harder. Especially when, you realize that YOUR time is limited ~ and YOU would honestly like to do and be where YOU want.
It's hard not to think that "selfishness" plays a role... but, then again... we are all only human. We know what dreams and goals we have. They will always be there. Lurking beyond... it's a matter of what we do with them.
I Loved Dr. Randy Pausch's message: "live your childhood dreams". ~ a simple statement, yet; we make it such a complex thought. We can make change... and we can make a difference.
I've been touched by the Power of: YOU. You have brought tears to my eyes, once again... your unselfish gratitude marvelous me; beyond all. We are a beautiful race. YOU, are an amazing person!
Keep the faith ~ and stay strong ~ in your everyday adventures in life.
Live and Love. Laugh and cry. Let the wind blow in your face... and feel LIFE.

Daughter's

Before you ask... No! I am not a Harley Rider!!! (lol...) I have actually only ever taken a bike ride twice in my life ~ and, I wouldn't even call it a ride! I made it around several blocks each time!
We visited a Harley shop several years ago ~ and finding this photo reminded me ~ of a time with my daughter that life seemed so easy. It's been a bit difficult on her lately. She's a talker by nature... and has become a "clam" about the topic/issue of my cancer.
I've gotten to a point ~ where, I've come to realize that life... IS too short. To short to waste time on the remedial and mundane. We waste alot of time and energy "bickering" about the "little" things.
My world has opened to a completely different tune. I know, that teenage years, are very difficult as is; and on top of all ~ is a terminal illness, that my daughter must face.
I believe that she is distancing herself from me. I know, that I too, perhaps have done the same over the past year to many in my immediate family. (Not purposely, or deliberatley) ~ but, from what I have read; it is a "natural" occurence amoungst cancer patients and family.
I have read that many marriages do not make it through a cancer diagnosis. It's not easy ~ to say the least. Perhaps distance is our way of not "dealing" with the issues at hand. Whatever the reason ~ I do believe, that everything has it's purpose in time.
Perhaps it is too help my daughter learn to live and be on her own ~ a bit more independant. We were very close. Now, we are drifting... slowly drifting. I am a very patient person ~ as, I am sure, so too, is my dauther. She has endured alot over the course of the past several years.
I can only hope, that through my eyes, she will someday see and realize the unconditional love that I felt. I promised her, that I would fight... this. Fight... and be around for her. My sorrow lies in her future.
I was asked: "are you afraid of death"? ~ at one point, I was. I avoided it, like the plague. These years have helped me come to grips with the inevitable. Our definative end. I no longer fear death, as I once did. But, I do fear; the life, that my daughter may have, without me.
Perhaps, I too, am being a bit selfish... I would love nothing more, than to be around to aggrivate her more!!! (lol...)
I will keep my pledge ~ I continue to seek any and all alternative treatments. Hey, I tried the wheatgrass ~ I'm up for anything! Someone just recently told me to take a bathe/soak in hydrogen peroxide; apparently, it is supposed to help melanoma patients...
I welcome ALL suggestions... and comments...
PS... my dearest daughter, I LOVE YOU WILL ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.

Alive

Just stopping in to say "hello"! I just wanted to say "I love you all..." ~ yes, each and everyone of you, my reader's! YOU give me, a great sense of satisfication! I have always had a passion for wrighting ~ and someone recently made a statement that hit home. It was brought to my attention that I don't always post everyday ~ and that often I loose the interest of my reader's when I don't keep up. An analogy was made; similar to that of a newspaper article ~ where as, you look forward and/or begin to expect the column or post for your pleasurable read.
I'm honored that many follow my posts. I will TRY... mind you, the word is try...to do my best an submit some form of gibberish, each day. It's often hard. Especially, after test results and various other "human" factors. I often find myself at a loss for words... or, graver yet... I fear ~ you would be reading the "stormier" side of my emotions and thoughts.
Should I put it all out there? That has been the unaswered question. It's a toss up. Many don't want to honestly hear, the truth. Not, that I try to "sugar-coat" it... but some disgression is advised. I read somewhere recently, that a book about Cancer wouldn't be a top seller if it were too morbid in nature. Makes sense...sure. True, but I often wonder if the newly diagnosed cancer patient would be better equipted and well-informed.
I met a wonderful young woman, in the lavoratory of a building recently. I couldn't help but notice that she had a shaved head and a Livestrong bracelet on. She was also talking to someone about the reason why she shaved all her hair off. It was a completely motivating and touching story.
Her grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and was going through chemo. On about the third day of treatment (which is when you begin to loose all your hair) she had lost all of her hair and was devasted and cryed for days. The young lady wanted to do something to show her grandmother how much she really cared. So, she happily shaved her head too. She told her grandmother that she couldn't let her go through this alone and that if anyone had anything to say to her about her baldness, she wouldn't care anyway.
The Power of: YOU is alive. Alive and well. A random stranger ~ doing a far greater deed than is neceassary or asked. We chatted a bit and yet, another person in passing joined our conversation: her words of advice: "Just Talk". That's it. "Just Talk". Find somebody to talk to.
As I was driving along, I read a sign that stated: "A listening ear will never get in trouble".
Simple and Sweet.
God Bless YOU all!!! Take care of yourselves and each other!