NEWLY DIAGNOSED CANCER PATIENTS

This is my mother, Donna and I at our first Relay for Life! An overwhelming experience, indeed. When I was diagnosed in March 2006 at stage III with Malignant Metastatic Melanoma ~ I was, to say the least, shocked. Devastated. Mortified. Numb. Upset. Sad. To name but a few. I know what it is like to be a newly diagnosed cancer patient. It seems, that this stage of your diagnosis and disease ~ is bitter and overwhelming. It's hard to know where to turn, at any given point in your diagnosis.
It took me almost 2 years... 2 years of denial... before I started to truly recognize and accept my fate. I wish, that I had found someone to talk too; to share my feelings... who completely understood. Someone who could relate to the fears ~ the battles, the treatments, the side-effects, the emotional roller-coaster ride, and so much more.
I want to help make a difference. So, I am asking YOU: my reader's. If you know of anyone at all, at any stage of any type of cancer who would like some help or words of advice ~ to contact me.
I continue to truly enjoy the private e-mails and mailed greeting cards. In all honesty ~ I am touched by each undaunting story. I'd love to share ~ It can be anonomous or forthecoming.
I would like to help in anyway ~ on any level. I would also like the Power of:YOU ~ my reader's to assist. I would like to share stories, thoughts, reflections, poems, prose, photo's, etc... from those in need.
Reaching out ~ has truly been a grave blessing in disguise for me. It has been a powerful tool in the healing process. To know ~ that soo many individual's ~ unconditionally care ~ give's me flare!!!
There is healing power ~ in the Power of: YOU. Without a doubt.

I have recieved many questions about treatment options, end of life decisions, and in general ~ heartwarming, emotional stories.
It has truly aided me ~ in my path of self-discovery and reflection. I too, hope ~ to be able to do the same for any other. The forum for healing ~ is within you.

Please forward all messages, comments, opinions, stories, thoughts, questions, to Summerbead69@yahoo.com. Please specify if I may post your query. I would like this blog, to be a forum ~ for all. For Cancer Patients, to help themselves heal; and for all reader's to help each other and one another.
If I can not find an answer... I'm sure, that someone will! If you are simply looking for a "listening ear" ~ by all means... I welcome you. Let's help one another ~ face this battle ~ and forever livestrong.
together, we can change the adage:
"I'M NOT LIVING WITH CANCER ~ to : CANCER IS LIVING WITH ME"

Quote of the Day

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that can not be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." ~Arthur Golden~ Memoirs of a Geisha


~This photo was taken at a very difficult time in my life; when there was, indeed, much adversity. The winds were strong ~ and I, like the flock of birds, stood steadfast and headstrong! The Power of: YOU can rise above all adversity. It can not take away ~ that which and who you are. It is a very powerful source. Use it, to tap into your inner-self.
~This moment in time, helped me write and publish my very first poem. A proud accomplishment. One, that I had sought to obtain for so many years, yet, had been given to me and through me ~ because of adversity!
See yourself for who you really are. Seek to obtain, but, do not be torn by remedial plight.
~Your best attributes are invaluable. Embrace them ~ "for the winds and tides of time, will forever chime" ~ Rebecca Luker ~ Collected Whispers

"Say"

"Say what you need to say"... "say what you need to say"...

~ a familiar lyric with a repeatative verse ~

All too often, I have found, that I have not been honest and fortheright with many. Mainly, because, I am, in general ~ very sensitive to the feelings of others. I often, have left many topics and/or issues "go" ~ out of fear. I am not one, that feels the need or desire to debate. I am one, who enjoys a soft, quiet conversation. Relative calm. I am one, who enjoys peace.

I have come to find, that many emotions and feelings have been bottled through the course of the years... due to my own neglect.

Had I changed earlier, in life... would I be percieved as I am now? Or, does everyone simply believe that I have become stark raving mad? Is is attributed to the cancer diagnosis?

I can say, without a doubt ~ that Cancer has "freed-me" ~ it has helped clear my thoughts on not only a concious, but uncouncious level as well.

There have been many words, left unuttered. Some good, some bad, some indifferent.

Imagine ~ if the Power of:YOU ~ were strong enough to take hold and control of your "true-self". If you could let all inhibibitons go... If you could just "say what you need to say"... "say what you need to say"...

It is liberating. It can be exilerhating, it can be existing, it can be exciting, it can be excrusiating! It can, and most definately will... cause trouble, and stir unwavering emotions. We have been denied. We have learned to "hide" our true thoughts, emotions, and feelings. And, at who's expense? Ultimately, our very own.

Next time, you find yourself ~ thinking of other's, take a moment, to think of yourself. Be honest ~ with who and what you are. "Say... what you need to say"... You never know, what may come your way.

Possessions

My recent thoughts have been turning away from Cancer. Naturally, any cancer patient will tell you, that at certain points, you will have peaks of thinking of nothing but Cancer ~ and at other points, think only of Cancer. It's a balance that is very difficult to coincide with your new life.

I have been giving much thought these days, to many, many different issues. As, I know, so too, are many of my readers. I have recieved numerous questions ~ about "what do I do now"? ~ that, ultimately ~ is the question -for which, many of us with terminal cancer can already answer . It is the unspoken. It is the thought - of Living our Last days - to the utmost fullest. Without worry - or thought of worry.

As many of you are well aware - The Power of:YOU ~ is sought from within. It is already there - lurking, deep from within. However; we inhibit ourselves from acting upon any, if, at all - deep desires, wants, needs, dreams, hopes, and wishes... until it is almost too late.

YOU ~ have already got the answer! and YOU ~ know ~ that you do not need permisssion to act upon your seemingly "whimsical impluses".

I have been reading Eckhart Tolle's book: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

it's a shame, that many of us- do not understand until it is nearly too late - that our lives are driven by external forces .

Within the past year, I have either thrown away or sold many of my personal belongings. There has been much debate, in my mind, lately -whether or not to sell off much larger items ~ diamond jewelry, house, car, etc...

I believe, that I have come to an "unconcious" awareness, that I am and or, will not be ~ in relative need of these remedial "things". Upon reading and reflecting on Tolle's description of a dying cancer patient; I can truly say - I agree. I completely agree and feel as though we "honor things ... as a means to self-enhancement, that is to say, if we try to find ourselves through them."

We become attached and obssessed to remedial objects. We believe that "things" make up our essence. Our "being".

The belief and Power of:YOU ~ lyes directly within. YOU, and only you ~ and/or your ego- can come to grasp and or re-claim yourself.

Find the beauty in the simplier things and joys of life. Set all inatimate objects aside.

"In the last few weeks of her life as her body became weaker, she became more and more radiant, as if light were shinning through her. She gave many of her possessions away...and with each thing she gave away, her joy deepened."

Standing Alone

It may be time, for a bit of retrospection; I am, as many of us are ~ trying to "deal" with alot of personal issues.
I am looking forward to spending some time with my daughter, aunt and her family. I believe, that it is time, to take the time ~ for others.
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I had hoped to return to work shortly. I'd imagine, that working; (besides paying the bills!! lol) is part of a "normal" life-style. It gives a person great "self-worth" and satisfaction. I guess, I keep telling myself that everything is going to be "alright" ~ which, I am sure it will. However, Life, as I once knew it ~ is not ever going to be the same. I can't even imagine that it truly ever will be.
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You will have to forgive my recent posts, I have alot ~ honestly, going on in my personal life. As if, I didn't already have enough to contend with. I've dealt with it all the best I could throught the past year or so ~ or so, I had thought. I don't know. I don't think, I really thought about it too much.
I've been "running-away"; so to speak.
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The man, whom I just recently met; has informed me, that there is little that can be done for him. So, he has decided to "LIVE". He is buying a car and going to do some traveling with his new wife. I wish him the best. It is a great time in Life, to stop and take time for others.
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The Power of:YOU ~ is something that I HONESTLY believe and will always continue to believe. We all need to look at the inheritently good in others. We should not "judge" other's based on our preconceived notions or concepts - let alone, make other's try to meet up to our standards.
The Power of:YOU ~ is inheritently, GOOD within and of yourself. No one needs to prove anything to you. YOU need to prove everything, to EVERYONE else.
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Stand alone, if you must ~ for what you believe. But, Life is; as many of us know it ~ all too well. Too short. Too damn short for bitterness, hate, and dislike alone. The world would be such a greater place if we all just took the time ~ to Love one another. To look beyond differences ~ Differences are what makes all of us unique to some degree or another. Relish in the good ~ not the bad and give and take optiminally, traits that embdue ~ those that wrap their arms around you and your heart.
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LIVE

NEED I SAY MORE?

Take a stand! Life is too short.

I was in my onclogist office today, when I met a man; who was "unsatisfied" with his current Doctor. He decided to take matters of his life into HIS own hands. He was, without a doubt optimistic ~ yet realistic ~ however, there was a hint of uncertainty. Partially, I'd imagine, because of his "dis-satisfication" with his current Doctor.

The Power of: YOU. It is extraordinary. Sometimes, though, we just need to give a little push. We need to help other's along the way. A great mental spirit is all it takes. (as this man, so wisely pointed out!)

I am once again brought back to the statement: "I am Living with Cancer" ~

The Power of: YOU can ultimately prescribe your fate.

LIVE.

Strenghten yourself. Strenghten your not only your body, but mind and soul. Spiritualism ~ resides within each of YOU.

FIND IT.

REACH OUT ~ and help another ~ learn that they are not merely "living with cancer", but rather, "Cancer is living with them".

Regardless if you are a Cancer patient or not ~ learn to LIVE. NOW.

no words of wisdom~silent reflection

On occasion ~ things in Life, happen. It's hard to juggle and struggle with many emotional issues ~ let alone add cancer into the equation. I have been rather "emotional" lately. The loss of my newest friend has been difficult. There have been many lives lost to cancer. It is often overwhelming. I often, need to take a break. I often, need to share. I often, need silence.

In the midst of many personal issues ~ I have recieved great comfort from your kind thoughts, words, and greeting cards. I have been touched. I have been lost. I have been alive.

I have heard so many stories of loved ones, lost in the fight. It's hard for one to not truly think about this issue.

I am going to see my local oncologist tommorrow and I imagine, that it has brought upon much anxiety. I will hopefully get the results of an mri that I had done to my pelvis and leg. I have become a bit over cautious and zealous with my will to survive. I can not sit idly by.

I have been unable to sleep much. I have been having terrible dreams about my upcoming chemo treatments; sickness and loss of hair. It is overwhelming and at times, surreal. My life, revolves around one main goal: to stay alive.

I am, as I say ~ very optimistic and hopefull. But, I am, too ~ only human.

We are all, only human. We must take our good days, alongside the bad.

Reflection's

"Have great dreams and dare to live them."

I was looking for some really great inpsirational quotes to start to reflect upon and post and I came upon this incredibly simple statement. I know that you all have dreams ~ great dreams, I bet. How many of you actually DARE to live them? Simple statement, yet very powerful. I've been a dreamer all my life. I've often even stated that I'm the "dreaming-dreamer"... It's a simple concept, one which, I bet many of you can truly relate to. Always day-dreaming about tommorrow or next year or for the vast majority of us... retirement years. We work so hard to build toward our retirement dreams and often, many of us never get to see or experience the dream. It's unfortunate.

I'm not sure how to explain what my cancer diagnosis has changed. It's a new perspective on Life. I've often thought, that perhaps it is my new "selfish" behavior. I've had many believe that I "crazy"... I am beginning, finally, to take my Life, into my own hands. I am making the decisions and working faster towards changing my lifestyle. My time has become extremely precious. I have a "real"-ization of the end. It will be here for me, sooner than expected. I've come to terms with this, finally; the best I know how.

You have the power and time, to change your life. Stop dreaming and start "doing". I DARE YOU to live the dreamers dream. No more excuses...no more waiting until the next paycheck...no more waiting for 401k plans and retirment.

DARE TO DREAM AND LIVE THAT DREAM.

You only get one chance at Life. Make the best of it! Empower YOURSElF to DO. YOU have the ability to accomplish anything that you set your mind to.

I DARE YOU!!!

When a stranger calls

"hi my name is carol and i have cll leukemia i have had it for 15 years how lucky am i i have a vey high white count and i just went out on disability i don.t like that, i have very large lymph nodes in my groins i saw you on tv and you inspired me very much, i do have a positive attitude i go to the dr every week for blood and i am doing ok i believe very much in my doctor i to saw the bucket list and it was an amazing movie, i guess i am writing to you just to say thanks for putting a smile on someones face carol"

I received this private e-mail today and became overwhelmed with emotion. I am truly beside myself lately. The support that I have been recieving by YOU ~ is very touching and inspirational.

I had never really thought or planned to be an inspiration to anyone. I was merely trying to stay positive with thought. Positive and Optimistic. Hopefull and faithful. I wanted to let other's know, that I can relate and understand. I know how very difficult it is to be "happy" in the midst of tradgedy and turmoil.

Life is very unpredicatable. We can not control our destinies or paths. Nor, should we. I have found, that by trying to take control we actually get lost. Lost in our endeavours. We are here, on earth, for each other. The phrase: "no man is an island"... has great significance.

My latest thought; "Aspire to Inspire" ~ was meant as a means, to help other's. Although, I had never truly thought... that I, could make a difference. I believed that WE could all... each and everyone of us... as a sum entity... make a difference. Make a change.

I see, that I am a greater part, now. If I am able to help someone out, who in turn, helps some else out... I have followed my belief's.

It is truly heartwarming and exceptional to know, that the Power of: YOU ~ is shinning through!

I commend my reader's. I commend YOU all. Your outreach is bringing in a very positive belief.

YOU are making a difference in the lives of others... complete strangers... unite. It is incredible. I will continue to have great belief in the Power of: YOU.

Now, go out there... and put a smile on someone else's face :)

"IM NOT LIVING WITH CANCER; CANCER IS LIVING WITH ME!"

THE NATIONAL CANCER INSTITUTE

NCI-NIH

THE NATIONAL HEALTH INSTITUTE

Bethesda, MD

My home away from home. The patient building at the NIH. "Building 10". Where patients from all over the world travel to. It's a wonderfully enriching environment. The Doctor's, nurse's, staff, and patients are very friendly, and uplifting. I've met some very nice and inspiring individual's on my many trips to the institute.

The recent trip went well. I am happy to say; "there is no further sign of cancer progression". We are aware that there is a small, minute, amount of tumour left in my pelvis from the recent surgery; and, until it grows large enough for a ct scan to show a "measurable-sign" of disease... I am at on a "wait-and-see"... stance. I had another mole removed ~ via my request. I shall get those biopsy results in about 2 weeks. Otherwise... I wait. The good news: I did have the "right tumour cell markers" for a variety of treatment options. So, when it is time... I will be able to be treated by the NIH. That is always re-assuring.

I have come back home, with great HOPE. I have always believed that I had a greater purpose ~ I believe, that WE are all meant for a greater purpose. It just may not be visible to you or I now. You must always be willing to take a new approach and outlook on LIFE. You must always be looking for the inheritantly good in all. Staying optimistic, hopefull, and having faith ~ these are all attributes, that will help get you through your journey.

One small act of random kindess leads upon, to another, and yet another. I believe that You have the Power to influence a great vastness of people. Each and every one of us, is capable of making a difference in the live's of another.

I believe that you should:

"ASPIRE TO INSPIRE"

~make a concisous effort to obtain geniune happiness through your own beliefs of inspiration.

Use your talents and skills to help other's aspire within their lives.

You have the power to change, not only yourself... but each and every one of us.

This week, has taught me something very valuable. I have been thinking alot about the idea and concept of living with cancerous tumours that can spread at any time...

I was then thinking about the phrase that we all too often see and hear: "LIVING WITH CANCER"..

it boggled and bothered me... I just couldn't accept that phrase...

so, the more I thought about it... the more I came to realize...

"I'M NOT LIVING WITH CANCER; CANCER IS LIVING WITH ME!"

We are Living. Living and making a difference. I believe that you have the power to find your happiness. Seek what you Love and Enjoy doing. Stop waiting. Life is here, NOW.